Jen on the Edge

A small taste of my Monday:

• If you ever decide to make your own homemade chicken broth — you know, the kind that is really and truly from scratch and involves cooking a chicken skeleton in a large stock pot filled with water — and then you decide to freeze all that chicken broth for future use, you probably don’t want to store all that chicken broth in Ziploc-style freezer bags.
• Trust me, go ahead and use plastic containers.
• Because what will probably happen is that your hand holding the bag will slip and then cups and cups of chicken broth will pour all over your counter, down the fronts of the cabinets, and onto your floor.
• After you clean up that mess, you probably won’t have learned your lesson, so go ahead and re-fill the freezer bag.
• You’ll drop the freezer bag filled with six cups of chicken broth.
• AGAIN.
• You know, because your hand is slippery from — guess what? — chicken broth.
• Luckily, no children will be present during this second major spillage, because you will cuss a blue streak that would offend even fraternity guys, while you frantically strip out of your chicken broth-soaked running clothes that you haven’t even actually gone running in yet that day.
• Believe it or not, you will continue pouring chicken broth (what remains, that is) into those fucking freezer bags.
• Clearly, you don’t learn from your mistakes.
• When you’re carrying chicken broth-filled freezer bags the five feet from the counter to the freezer, DON’T carry the bags at the top where they’re sealed shut or else one will probably rip, thereby exploding all over the place and soaking the last remaining dry corner of the kitchen.
• I am not making this shit up.
• Chicken broth is slippery as snot and I’m not lying.
• It takes for-freaking-ever to clean up cups and cups and cups of chicken broth.
• Don’t forget to blot up the broth that’s inside the kitchen drawers.
• Whose idea what it anyway to have nothing but drawers — 23 of ‘em — below the counters?
• Oh yeah, that’s right; I insistently insisted on it.
• Plan to mop thoroughly after blotting up the wet mess.
• Plan to mop a second time after that.
• Like I said, chicken broth is slippery.
• After that, you’ll finally get around to going on your run and, the entire time, you’ll keep thinking, “Why do I smell fried chicken in this residential neighborhood?” before remembering (again) that you’re Mrs. Eau de Chicken.
• Needless to say, you won’t be eating chicken for a few days after spilling all that broth all over your kitchen, as you’ll be a bit OVER chicken for a while.

People, it’s been — what? — a week or two since I’ve had to discuss a catalog I’ve gotten in the mail and it’s already time to dissect another one.  I am blown away by the sheer number of businesses that appear to have the Jenworld address in their databases this year.  I’m doing what I can to get off these lists, but it’s a time-consuming process.

Today’s victim topic of discussion will be Brookstone.  I’m sure you’ve heard of this one; I think it’s been around since yuppies in the ’80s first got their taste for ridiculous overpriced gadgets.

There was so much that I could dissect here, but I decided to limit myself to only three products.  One. Two.  Three.  Now THAT was a challenge, I tell you.  The need for self-restraint was great. After much mental debate, here are the three items that I offer for today’s commentary:

Overpriced ridiculous gadget #1 –The club umbrella. “Spring-loaded umbrella keeps your clubs dry, yet still provides easy access during play.”  First of all, they’re golf clubs, not the Wicked Witch of the West (or East).  They can get wet.  They won’t cry or moan or even die.  (I don’t know, nor do I care, if golf clubs will get rusty.)   Second of all, might I suggest that playing in the rain has the potential to be, oh, a wee bit deadly.  You know, holding a potential lightening rod in your hands in the face of a coming storm…

Overpriced ridiculous gadget #2 – The digital alcohol detector.  “Check your breath for blood alcohol content and get results in seconds.”  I’m just going to go out on a limb here and suggest that if you feel the need to buy one of these, you might, just might, have larger issues than whether or not you should be driving after a night out with your friends.  I suggest that instead of spending $70 on this, you might want to consider spending your time getting help.

Overpriced ridiculous gadget #3 –The SmartShopper Deluxe.  “Say it, print it, go get it!  Voice-recording SmartShopper Deluxe organizes and prints your grocery list.”  Yep, for $100, you too can organize your grocery list.  Or you could just continue using pens and paper and save yourself the moolah.  Plus, there’s the potential for problems.  For example, the kids could walk by and say “candy” every time and the SmartShopper Deluxe would add it to the list.  Then you’d send your husband to the store and he’d see “candy” written down 17 times and come home with 15 pounds of the stuff.

Now, if you own one or more of the items above, I’m not saying that you wasted your money.  However, I would like to know how said item revolutionized your life and thus spending the money was totally worth it.

On a totally unrelated note, I’ve revived our house blog.  Obviously, we’re well past the construction, moving, and settling in stages.

(Hell, we’ve already reached the need-to-throw-shit-out stage.  Multiple times.)

Now the blog’s focus is going to be our adventures in urban gardening and eating more local foods and less McFoods.  We already have a large kitchen garden, but we’re going to expand our food production efforts in 2010.  If you’re so inclined, check it out.

And that’s what I have for you on this fine Monday.  (No, “fine Monday” is not an oxymoron.)  How are you all and how was your weekend?

Sometimes

we all need

a little extra

oomph

to start the day.

You’re welcome.

Have a good weekend!

I am so happy that it’s November.  I know that some people aren’t fans of the month, but I am.

It’s still fall, but just not as glorious as October was.  Even though the leaves are now past their prime and the trees are looking mighty bare, I don’t mind.  I don’t mind that sunny days and chilly nights have segued into blustery days and damncold nights.  People, that’s why sweaters, wool socks, and quilts were invented.

[And husbands too, but that's another story.]

I don’t even mind the time change.  Yes, it gets dark early, but that’s why light bulbs were invented.  I haven’t actually asked Pete this, but I can almost guarantee that he doesn’t mind walking into a warm, cheerful house with the smell of something delish simmering/baking/roasting.

[Side note:  Last night's dinner was meatloaf, mashed potatoes, edamame, applesauce, and salad.  Sounds pretty good, right?  The way one child reacted, you'd have thought that I was feeding her toxic sludge.  I'm not going to name names, only that her nickname rhymes with HELL, which seemed rather apt when she was making faces and whining about having to ingest meatloaf and mashed potatoes.]

[Seriously, who doesn't like homemade mashed potatoes?  Buttery creamy Yukon Gold potatoes, 2% milk, lots of actual butter, and salt.  Someone needs to broaden her epicurean sensibilities.]

The best part about last Sunday’s time change is not having to get up in the morning when it’s still pitch-black out there.  Yes, the ass-end of dawn still sucketh mightily, but it sucketh less when there’s a hope of sun on the horizon.

November is slower than the months before it.  The birthday party marathon that we had in September is over and our weekends are our own again.

November is when my work ethic starts to take a beating.

Due to teacher work days, the girls always have a four-day weekend at the start of the month.  Days off from school = me not going into my office.  I’ll work at home, but not nearly as diligently.  Coming back to reality yesterday wasn’t bad at all because HEY! three day work week and the weekend is right around the corner.

Best of all, we all know what’s coming up in just three weeks.

A five day Thanksgiving break.  I give thanks for the time off every year.

Coming back from Thanksgiving break might suck a wee tiny bit, but the fact is, the holiday season is now upon us and there’s just so much fun stuff going on.

[Speaking of the holidays, yes I am organizing another holiday homes tour.  Details to be posted after Turkey Day.]

Oh, and that two-week vacation to look forward to.

So yeah, I’m a big fan of November.  Who’s with me on this one?