I saw this article last month and have been pondering it off and on ever since. It’s a list of 50 things every woman should know by age 50. Let’s take a look, shall we?
#2 – Book their own travel. I was about to scoff and say, “but, of course” when I remembered that I personally have not bought airline tickets in years, as Pete usually does that once we’ve agreed on our travel plans. However, since I’ve booked hotel rooms and bought train tickets, I feel like I could totally manage air travel on my own.
#5 – Change a tire. Knock on wood, I’ve only had flat tires as an adult twice; once in 1997 or 1998 when Pete and I had one and he did all the dirty work, while I offered emotional support. Then, in October 1998, when my newborn and I were attempting to get out of the house for the first time and my tire blew a half mile into our journey. I called Pete at work — I still wasn’t allowed to do heavy lifting or hard work — but a good Samaritan stopped and helped, finishing as Pete pulled up. So yeah, changing a tire is something I should learn, but honestly, I’m probably not going to, especially since I live in a geographically small town and could just abandon the car and walk home.
#7 – Get around a foreign country. Pfft, please.
#8 – Program and operate a TV. Y’all, I have one of those husbands who has the TV hooked up to a variety of mysterious black boxes and there are approximately eleventy remote controls on the TV stand. I don’t even know where the power button is on the TV, much less how to find anything or, heaven forbid, pop in a DVD. If I need entertainment, I’ll read a book or play on my laptop.
#10 – Do their own taxes. There’s a reason why Godallahoprahbuddha invented accountants and who am I to mess with divinity at work?
#18 – Light a grill, then cook on it. Have I ever told you about the time I accidentally set my mother-in-law’s curtains on fire whilst trying to light candles for the table? No? Well I just did. Me and fire, we don’t play well together.
#22 – Graciously accept a compliment. I’ve been working on it.
#24 – Plunge a toilet. Unfortunately, shit yes.
#30 – Put together “some assembly required” furniture. You mean like a minvan full of flatpack boxes from Ikea? Like a BOSS.
#31 - Apply makeup without a mirror. Um, excuse me. How? Why?
#34 – Mow their own yard. Nope. Not even going to try this one. I’d like to keep all of my limbs, thank you very much.
#42 – Buy the right sized bra. No problemo.
Okay, so based on this list, I’m probably flunking being a woman. How did you do?