Part of an occasional series about cooking even though I don’t like to cook.
Let’s talk about caramelized bacon. I reported on this recipe last year after my friend Patience Crabstick brought it to my house to tempt us. Grown-ass women were elbowing each other to get to the goods and then moaning loudly and shamelessly while eating. Some of us might or might not have licked the plate afterward.
Patience kindly shared the recipe, but I want to record it fully here, along with some additional notes I’ve gathered from my bacon caramelizing experiences, so that I never, ever lose this important information. I’ll also be pinning this, as well as printing it out. Possibly even painting it on the kitchen wall. Like I said, I do not want to lose this.
- 1-lb box of brown sugar
- 1/4 cup of water
- 1-lb of good quality thick-cut bacon
- Dump the brown sugar into a bowl and add the water. Stir until you have a brown slurry.
- Dredge the bacon in the slurry and then lay out on parchment-lined rimmed baking sheets.
- Bake at 400F for 8-13 minutes, then flip the bacon.
- Allow to cool, then cut or break into little pieces. Or, just eat it all right then and there and then look innocent and perplexed when your family asks you why the house smells like bacon and caramelized sugar and your face is sticky.
- You must use parchment paper. NO, waxed paper will NOT work. Trust me on this. You will end up with a sticky, waxy, papery, bacony mess that will waste perfectly good bacon and make the little baby Jesus and even Navy SEALS cry. Plus, The Martha would look at you with scorn because you did not already have yards and yards of parchment that you made yourself from the flock of organic, free range, Waldorf-educated, non-Ferberized, sheep over at your emergency back up farm.
I got up this morning and started a batch of caramelized bacon at 7:30. I need it for an event tonight and this is the only time I have to get it done.
Now it’s 8:15 and my hands smell like bacon. The whole-house smoke detectors in Jenworld have gone into full on DEFCON 5 panic mode THREE times already, due to the fact that I baked banana bread yesterday and some bubbled over out of the bread pan and then I forgot to clean up the mess after the oven cooled down, so now I have extra burnt banana bread batter on the bottom of the oven and the house is filled with smoke.
Yes, this bacon is worth it.