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For almost 15 years now, the Jenworld household schedule has been largely daughter-centric.
In the beginning, everything revolved around the eating and sleeping needs of the small creatures whose wrath would envelop us if we changed anything. Consequently, we were so consistent you could have set your watch by our movements.
Then, after a few years, the girls’ schedules eased up as they got older and bigger, so that hell did not rain down on us over a missed nap. We were able to loosen up a tiny bit.
And then it got so that we could mess around with the meal schedules and no one would end up lying on the floor kicking and screaming because dinner was late. Of course, there were plenty of dinners when someone ended up in fits on the floor because her foods were touching on the plate or there was a single flake of a suspicious herb on her chicken or because she only wanted to eat pink foods, but by golly the timing of it all wasn’t the cause of our winter of discontent.
The bedtime routine was one of those things that really held firm for a while. We were never song and dance parents at bedtime. No original lullabies or rhythmic gymnastics routines for us in order to entertain a sleepy toddler. We kept things short and sweet. Because when 7:00 or 7:30 or 8:00 rolled around, we were done, — D-O-N-E, I tell you — with parenting for the day and wanted our little ones to get some much-needed sleep so that we adults could have a desperately-wanted break before our own much-needed bedtime.
Hence, at bedtime, we would read a pre-determined number of books, hug and kiss our daughters, tuck them in, unwrap their arms from around our necks, and make sure they had whatever stuffed friends they needed to get through the long night. If it took 36 creatures to get the job done, then Curious George, Madeline, the Care Bears, and all their furry kindred were invited for the sleep party.
As the girls have gotten older, bedtimes have gotten later, to the point that sometimes I go to bed the same time they do. Or on the weekend they might stay up late watching something with Pete, while I’ll be the first person to hit the pillow. But one constant has always been that Pete is the last person up the stairs at night.
Until a week ago.
Pete was sick and feeling crummy the weekend before this past one. On that Saturday night, he decided to go to bed around the same time I did, but the girls were in the middle of a DVD. Rather than wait up for them, for the first time ever, we kissed them both and told them to turn off the lights when they came upstairs. They looked a bit shocked, but they did as they were told. In fact, I think we hastened their bedtimes simply by being upstairs already.
That first has not been repeated. Yet.
There are, of course, other firsts coming. It is an inevitable fact of parenting. There are always more firsts. First smile, first tooth, first step, first day of kindergarten, first this, first that… tempus fugit... and suddenly we’re looking at firsts that were never mentioned in Lamaze class or What to Expect, the Toddler Years.
And with one girl heading to high school in less than six months and the other one becoming a teenager is a bit over six months, more firsts are on their way. I was on the phone with the high school guidance counselor yesterday discussing Grace’s academic schedule for the coming year when the topic of driver’s ed came up. Driver’s freaking ed, y’all. Guess who’s going to be eligible for her learner’s permit in one year and 25 days? And then will be eligible for her driver’s license nine months after that? Not that I am counting.
Those are firsts I am not quite ready to contemplate.
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There are so many interesting “firsts.” My 16 year old just drove to San Francisco and back to visit a buddy during their break (300 miles each way) but that was not even his first road trip.
I think the hard “firsts” were the first broken hearts. Even the boy shed a few tears. My heart was breaking for them. Now I’m really happy that they each seem to have found the first person that is really good for them.
The driving thing is hard. I don’t get how people can teach their own kids to drive.
Spring ahead to you in 4 years. That first high school graduation is going to be a doozy.
Oh yeah…the countdown to no more mom-prepared breakfasts has begun as 2 are self-reliant.
And tucking in. I still do, but it looks different for one boy than it does for the other two!
Be glad you don’t live in South Dakota. Kids here start driving themselves at the ripe old age of 14! (Limited liscense to get you back and forth to school and work. Too many ag families I guess.) Freaks. Me. Out.
I’m with you on short bed time routines. I had a couple friends who either couldn’t get their kids in bed before 10 (their own lack of a schedule I’m sure) or would spend 3 HOURS getting their kids down. That doesn’t fly over here. Mama needs her time. The boy was much harder as an infant than the girl, but is much easier from age 2 up than the girl.
My mom drove a tractor when she was ten.
Probably not the best thing to let a ten-year-old do.
I read that @honesttoddler tweet this morning and felt like it was Ryan talking to me. I am still on the letting the boys walk up and back to the bus stop on their own. Bed time, not ready. Your family is so fun to watch grow up- thank you for sharing.
We were good with a short and sweet bedtime routine too; read a couple of books, or read a chapter or two as Emma got older, hugs and lights out.
However, as I progress through the perimenopause years, and Emma moves into the teen years, our bedtimes have converged. I’m up so much during the night that I’m in bed by 9:30 (sometimes earlier!) and that is also her bedtime. On the weekends she sometimes stays up a bit later, but then she insists on waking me up to get a kiss goodnight, and I’m not terribly happy about that.
Until recently, Emma said flat out that she never wanted to learn to drive. Since then she’s softened her stance a bit. My one rule will be that her dad does not teach her to drive –that would be holy hell. Her school doesn’t have driver’s ed, so we’ll probably outsource the job to a company. We live in the boonies –I can’t wait until she can learn to drive.
Firsts are heartbreaking – my 6 year old went away for his first sleepover last weekend. And although my oldest is only 9, I was thinking about her driving when we bought a new car this spring – we’d bought the one before it when we found out we were expecting her, and since I was driving a two seater Honda CRX at the time, we needed an upgrade. That car lasted me 8 years, so I figure this one will be perfect for her to learn to drive on in another 8 – and I’ll be ready for a new one!
As one at the beginning of that cycle – we have JUST struck on a nap/bedtime routine that seems to be working reasonably well (finally! at 4 months!), and we the parents have to work at keeping the consistency – I have to say that having a kid who can look after herself and put herself to bed sounds amazing
But I know when we reach that point, I’m going to be sad that she doesn’t want me to read her books or sing to her or snuggle her before bed anymore.
I’m on my second generation of firsts. Trust me when I say, they’re so much easier to weather when they’re your grandchild’s!
I LOVE @HonestToddler!
But keep in mind, “eligible” is a very flexible term. Our kids don’t get a license until they can afford their own insurance.
That’s brilliant. Why didn’t I think of that?!
You will be amazed at how quickly you LOVE that she can drive!
You cannot stop it, so it’s best to embrace them. Worked for me, anyway.
My kids routinely stay up later than we do. If y’all thought having time alone when the kids were little was hard, having 5 minutes alone with teens is impossible.
And they can decipher when we spell things.
I’ve been trying to stay up late enough to send my 17yo to bed, but most nights I give up before he does. It helps to have good kids that you can trust.
Of course, when his dad is gone, the teenager is the one who tells ME to go to bed!
I’m pretty sure that our youngest son is raising himself.