When we got back from vacation, we had three weeks’ worth of mail to sort through, including the annual end of summer catalog blitz, which is always the start of the deforestation in the name of fall and Christmas shopping catalog season. Since then, more have come in the mail, including one that requires some discussion here today.
I got a copy of Catalog Favorites: “A showcase of catalog best-sellers.” With a tagline like that, naturally, I’m curious as to what the American public is buying.
Carlashes, for one. I’ve never seen these in real life or even in a catalog, but if they’re in this catalog, they must be a bestseller, right? Admittedly, I live in a small town, so perhaps this new trend hasn’t reached central Virginia yet.
It would never occur to me to put flirty eyelashes on the Jenmobile and definitely not on Pete’s dadvan. What is the point? To make your car look hawt? To show that the driver is foxy? Or is this supposed to be funny, as in, cars don’t have eyelashes? I honestly don’t know.
The “classic” beer pouch pocket hoodie. I had no idea that this article of clothing was so iconic as to have a classic version. I guess this is for the person who finds holding a beer bottle too onerous. I agree, those 12 ounce longnecks are rather heavy. Not mentioned among this hoodie’s many features is the fact that the baggy gray cotton will also camouflage beer guts.
(Please note that I’m refraining from commenting on the redundancy of using both pouch and pocket in one item name.)
(Also, what is UP with all the damn hoodies in fashion in recent years? I don’t want a flap of fabric causing a hump on my upper back. If I’m chilly, I’ll wear a hat or scarf.)
A shirt that makes you look like a zombie, complete with lots of fake bloodstains. Oh, great. This one doesn’t surprise me as much, as it seems like the zombie trend is never going away. What perplexes me is WHY zombies are all the rage in the first place. I find them disturbing and creepy and wish this craze would go away.
The drum alarm clock. Another supposed bestseller. (I’m starting to think I should demand an audit. I don’t believe any of this stuff sells at such great volume as to be nationwide bestsellers.) I’d like to know who actually likes to wake up to the sound of crashing drums, “followed by a cheery ‘Good morning!’ and happy wake up tune”? Personally, if I woke up to that, I’d probably smack it across the room the first morning and possibly then drive over it with the car after that.
There are also a serious number of t-shirts, hats, mugs, and other items that have fart-centric jokes on them. I don’t tend to see these bestsellers around my town, but then again, I don’t spend too much time at Walmart. I’m assuming it’s a guy thing and I wouldn’t understand, but I need to reiterate, I really don’t understand.
But like I said, I live in a small town. Maybe all this stuff is selling like mad everywhere else in the U.S.? Are you seeing it where you live?