Photo found on Facebook.
For months now, there’s been much talk about a certain trilogy of books. I’ve seen blog posts, tweets, and Facebook updates, as well as heard discussions at Target, a coffee shop, and the pool. Hell, one day I even got involved with an impromptu discussion group at the front desk of my hair salon. I’m not going to name the books directly because I know that you know what I’m talking.
I read the books in question several months ago. Barnes & Noble was running a special on the first one for Nooks and I believe it might have been because American sales were initially lagging and they were trying to lure people in with promises of a cheap (cost, that is) read. I wasn’t particularly interested in the genre, but shrugged and thought, “What the hell, I’ll try almost anything once.”
(That does not apply to the topic matter of the books themselves, so don’t expect to find anything freaky if you ever come visit Jenworld.)
(We keep that shit hidden away.)
(I’m kidding.)
Anyway, I downloaded the first book but didn’t read it right away. I eventually got around to it and was utterly drawn in. So much so that I bought the next two books and ultimately read all three books in a five evening late night literary marathon, then started re-reading the series the next day.
So there’s my shameful confession. Now you know.
But let’s step back and look at the books as if this were a book club meeting, shall we?
In short, these books are very badly written. Very very very very very very badly written. They’ve been described as “Twilight for women” and that makes sense to me, as it is my understanding that the Twilight books are just as badly written. The books I’m talking about today have plots so thin as to make a supermodel look overweight by comparison. They could have also used some serious, intense, deep editing with an eye toward getting the writing above a 5th grade reading level (not to insult 5th graders). And, honestly, as I was reading, there were times when I was skimming paragraphs because they were so dull and the second time around, I skipped some sections of the books altogether.
That said, there are some very interesting scenes where I learned some new things, some of which had to be researched online because I wasn’t quite certain what was going on. And, for some reason — again, this is embarrassing, but I do like to be honest here at JOTE — the storyline was somewhat fun, if rather improbable.
We had a mini book review session during the recent Derf gathering. At the time, I described the books as Twinkies: You don’t want to eat them often, but every now and then you want one. As you eat it, it’s great, but then you feel slightly ill afterward and vow never to eat Twinkies again.
Another Derf (I believe it was Patience) said that the books are actually more like circus peanuts and she’s totally right: You try them once just to say you have, feel a bit sick afterward, and swear them off for at least a decade, possibly more, until you’ve forgotten how queasy they made you feel and you try them one more time, at which time you remember why you don’t eat them.
So there you have it, my official review of those books: They’re very badly written, but you almost have to read them just so that you’ll know what everyone is talking about.
Have you read the books yet? If so, what did you think? If not, why not?
I’m going to ask everyone to keep it clean and even somewhat vague in the comments, as my daughters will read this post and I’d like to not educate them on certain topics until they’re a bit older. Thank you.
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I read 2 & 3 — library ebooks. All I have to say is meh. There’s much better stuff out there if it’s the stuff you like. And better romances and better fiction in general. I’m glad I didn’t spend money on them.
A late night “literary” marathon? Loose use of the term, much?
~ Condescendingly and judgmentally yours,
Suz.
Not reading them. Not going to. Imagination quite filthy enough on its own and from what I have heard, anyone who has read a certain classic by Pauline Reage, as I did while at uni (not for uni, I hasten to add) would find them laughable. Good enough non-recommendation for me.
Ha! I had the same thought as Suzie. I’m never going to read something tagged as mommy ____[entertainment of a certain xxx genre]. I have pretty strong objections to any of that kind of “entertainment”. I won’t go all soap box on you, so I’ll leave it at that.
I hate that I loved them. I too, did the late night reading marathon (while the MIL was in town). Total guilty pleasures. Would I be saying too much if I didn’t have to look anything up and thought they were quite tame? Agree, story line was beyond absurd, the helicopter in particular had me scratching my head for days afterwards. Also, I think it would have been better to end it completely at book 2, book 3 was totally unnecessary.
I finally found a URL where I could view them online. So last night, afte the girls were in bed, my netbook and I furtively accessed the naughty prose, and……… Village of Yawn.
As you said, the writing is beyond execrable, the main character is just as wishy-washy and passive-aggressive as Bella from Twilight (which I actually threw across the room before giving up on reading), and even the, ahem, interesting scenes, which I skimmed forward, looking for, were not as interesting as I had hoped. I was disappointed since my sister and her friend love the books and I thought I’d enjoy them too. But, not so much. I won’t be downloading them.
I liked my friend Amanda’s bacon version (PORKrotica) much better.
Picked up first of the series in the store and read/skimmed for about 30 minutes. That was enough to keep me away from them for at least 10 years.
But boy oh boy, if there was such a book as your attached photo, I’d have to buy that one!
I read the first two but haven’t read the third. I didn’t love or loathe them. No feelings whatsoever toward them
However, I have been casting CG in my head. Let’s see what Hollywood comes up with.
And I would totally read a book called Fifty Plates of Bacon.
They are not for me; I’ve heard from too many reliable sources about how badly written they are. Also, from what I’ve heard of the plot, I’m disturbed about anything even vaguely implying that abuse can be legitimized by being romanticized.
I read all of them, and wrote a post about the awful writing. I enjoyed the light(?) read, but its a shame its so poorly written.
As I told you already, I read them as fan fiction (yes, I slum!) and apparently the author didn’t bother to edit them much before publication because readers say they’re just as bad now as they were then. And no details, but there was one unsavory description that was originally in the story which disgusted people so much (and we’re talking people who read smut on a regular basis so they’re not uptight) that the author changed it in the fan fiction.
I’m convinced this dreadful author just lucked out, because this is one of the absolute worst pieces of fan fiction I’ve ever read.
Read them and agree that the writing was just awful. You know what annoyed me most while I was reading? The way the characters used British slang. I understand that the author is British, but when you set a book in Seattle and all of your characters are American, you should probably spend a few minutes researching and editing so they actually SOUND American.
But uh, yeah, I read all three. And like you I had to google a few things. lol
I didn’t read them because I figured I might like them, and I didn’t want to. If that makes any sense!
Meh. The hullaballoo isn’t enough to draw me in. I don’t begrudge others for reading it, though. I’m having enough fun with the Inheritance series via Audible. At least I can listen to that with my kids in the car.
If I had known they were originally fanfic loosely based on Twilight I wouldn’t have touched it with a barge pole. There’s decent fanfic out there, this ain’t it. Nothing based of Twilight could be, frankly.
I read the first one & won’t waste my money on the others. As everyone has pointed out the writing is terrible, the characters have less depth than a paper doll & the premise is completely unbelievable.
As for the Bits That Shall Not Be Named… Meh. Seriously, meh. I’ve read better both in fanfic & in print.
A copy has been passed around at school since March, my turn with it is next week, during my hospital stay (it’s for a very positive surgery). I have a feeling it will be just right for my anesthesia addled brain.
Everything you just said is why these are (still) not on my reading list.
Might I, however, point you toward Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty Trilogy? Those are moving up my list…perhaps a virtual book club? : )
I second the recommendation for the Sleeping Beauty books.
I agree, I loved the Sleeping Beauty books. And the book by Pauline Reage was good too I thought.
As a single-for-wayyyy-too-long girl, and one who appreciates a taste of this genre every now and again, I bought the first book. I could almost ignore the poor writing but I agree with Erin that the British slang was seriously distracting coming from American characters. The “interesting” scenes were not very imaginitive or…well…interesting. I started losing interest after the first several chapters, scanned ahead to see if anything more “interesting” was ahead, but soon replaced 50 Shades with one of Susan Mallery’s sweet (and predictable, but I accept that in romantic fiction) novels. Novels which, by the way, contain scenes that may not be as provocative but are of a temperature much higher than anything I read in 50 Shades.
I’ve had friends telling me to read these books. Guess I’m going to have to get started.
Will not read them and just have a very negative thing about the whole leasure and pain thing. (Is that safe for the girls? If not just delete me!) Not to mention the pain of reading poorly written stuff.
Nope. I like my erotica literary;)
No can do. Read a free snippet and I know I can’t get past the dreadful writing. Of course, the free snippet was the tame stuff. I’m hoping all this hue and cry means that someone will realize there would be a market for something in that genre that was also well-written.