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One thing that has happened numerous times in the past few months is that more and more people are noticing my weight loss and remarking on it. This is especially true of friends and acquaintances who haven’t seen me in a few months or more.
While I am gratified that people are noticing, I also tend to find myself a bit nonplussed. Rather than just simply saying “thank you” when someone compliments me on how good I look, I find myself dragging it out: “Oh, ah, yes, thank you, but really I’m only about halfway there, so I still have a long way to go and of course I should never have let myself get so big in the first place….”
One of my girlfriends, who is wonderfully blunt and honest, complimented me a few weeks and then as I was stuttering about, said “Just take the damn compliment.” She was right, of course.
That’s a hard thing to do, accept a compliment.
I’ve been thinking about this in recent weeks and wondering why it’s so hard to just say thank you and move on. I know that I look better. Hell, most days, I look in the mirror when I’m getting dressed and I smile at what I see. (That’s not to say that I don’t also look in the mirror and critique what I see.) (Baby steps, people.) But I still find it hard to simply accept a compliment and move on. It’s like I feel like I’m an imposter or that I don’t deserve kind words. It’s a strange challenge, I tell you.
So I’m practicing. When Pete or one of the girls has complimented me recently, I try to just say thank you and then just stop there. If I don’t, Pete will remind me to just take the compliment, which helps.
And yesterday while I was out running — and looking especially sweaty, salty, and bedraggled — I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in several months. The first words out of her mouth were, “You look great!” And without any hemming and hawing, I just said thank you and moved the conversation on from there.
What about the rest of you? Are you able to just say thank you or do you have a hard time with it?
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I have the opposite problem. I lost weight and no one noticed. I think I’d probably drop dead from gratitude if anyone complimented me.
This is funny ‘cuz the same thing happened to me recently. Last week I ran in the Run for Justice. I was waiting at the starting line with a coworker and she said, “Are you a serious runner?” I said, “No.” My husband spoke up and said she’s running a marathon next weekend.” Then he said, “Did you know she’s in Oprah?” I said, “It’s just a tiny thing.” She turned to me and said, “You need to listen to that person inside your head because you need to be your own advocate.” Later she sent me an email about it. Thinking I was being negative about myself. The problem is (at least for me), it’s a fine line between being a self-absorbed braggart and being positive. I’m having trouble with finding that perfect line.
My journey of 6 years has been lose 60, gain back 30. People who didn’t see me at -60, see me and tell me I look great because they only see -30.
I say thank you, but inside my brain is screaming “you should have seen me at -60!!”
I like to make it a point to say, ” It’s so good to see YOU”. Frankly, making comments about person’s physical appearance is unnecessary, and unless a person is a very close confident, kinda rude! I recall many years ago loosing a visible amount of weight and every time someone commented on it all I could think of was , gee, is that all you notice about me? I hope I was gracious, but like you, it made me very uncomfortable to be “looked over”. I know, I know, people are just being nice….guess we just have to practice saying “thank you” and moving on. P.S. I’m sure you DO look great!
My issue when I lost weight and people raved was that I wondered if I had looked that bad before. Yes, I always look at the bad side.
I have learned to accept compliments at face value. 99% of the time, there is nothing to be gained by the person giving the compliment so I consider it genuine appreciation of something I have done or of some aspect of my appearance so I just say “thank you” and tuck it away in my heart.
Probably part of this process on my part comes from how much it irritates me when I compliment a woman on something she is wearing. Almost invariably, the woman will say thanks but then tell me that she got it on sale or how she’s had it forever or something else to diminish my compliment. I don’t care how much you paid for it, I just think it’s cute and you look good in it!
Oh! I look at the “You won’t believe what a bargain I got!” part of it as further bonding! As in, “Yes, it’s fabulous and you know what makes it even more fab? I GOT IT FOR TEN DOLLARS!”
Violet, you’ve given me a lot to think about.
I hate when people comment on my weight loss, all I hear is “You were fat!” It amazes and appals me that people I hardly know feel comfortable commenting on my body like that. But I have learned to appreciate a “you look great” and to answer with thanks.
I can just say thank you, but always in my head I’m doubting what the person just complimented.
I’ve never been good at accepting compliments. I think it comes from poor self-esteem, but not everyone has dealt with that (have they?) so perhaps there is more to it.
Sounds like another blog post idea for you!
OMG. I was reading Oprah mag. the other night and saw the question of the month with an answer by Kim Kasch. I kept saying, “where do I know that name? Where do I know that name?”. Now I know…
I used to downplay or qualify compliments too, until I started noticing that when friends do the same to me, I wonder why I bothered.
I am TERRIBLE at taking a compliment. Odd, as you know I enjoy complimenting STRANGERS.
If someone says I love that sweater! I feel obligated to tell them where I got it.
If someone likes my hair I whine about the cut that has grown out.
Why can I not just shut up?!
BTW, I’ve noticed that you have made great progress in changing your shape. Well done!
I used to be awful about this very thing, too. I’ve gotten better about just saying “Thank you.”
Around here when people complement clothes all of us women feel the need to explain it–”It was only $15 at Old Navy” for example. I’ve quit doing that, too.
It’s taken me a long time to learn how to graciously accept a compliment. I’ve lost 40lbs, and the way I feel most comfortable responding is, “Thank you. I’ve been working on it.” Just adding that I’ve made a conscious choice in this effort seems to take the edge off that “it’s all about appearances” feeling. I sometimes also say that I *feel* great, too….because I do!
I am in the “thank you I’ve been working on it” camp. Personally, I don’t hear a negative and I am pleased if anyone notices. When you are really big like me it takes a LONG time until it is noticeable and it is nice to hear the positive reinforcement.