Several weeks ago, I made my bi-weekly pilgrimage to my favorite exclusive boutique, le Tarzhay, to stock up on
fripperies essentials. When I went through the check out, I received a coupon for “buy one, get one free Starbucks hand-crafted Frappuccino.”
Hand-crafted, as in crafted by hand.
When I think of hand-crafted, I imagine that someone carefully gathered the ingredients needed for an icy coffee drink, whipped them together in a blender, and then served the resulting frothy concoction to me in a tall glass. I imagine that my hand-crafted beverage was either created at a local coffee shop or perhaps in someone’s home.
Starbucks, however, has a different version of hand-crafted. Technically, human hands were involved in the creation of those beverages. In fact, many human hands were involved in the creation of Frappuccinos.
According to Wikipedia, Frappuccinos consist of “coffee blended with ice and various other ingredients” (emphasis my own). These various other ingredients include flavored syrups and flavored powders. Millions of hand-crafted Frappuccinos are served at thousands of Starbucks all over the world.
By my count, there were many human hands that hand-crafted the base ingredients — the coffee, the ice, and the flavored syrups and powders — in Starbucks factories. Then there were the human hands that hand-packaged the various other ingredients and hand-shipped them to Starbucks locations around the world, where those various other ingredients were hand-crafted into hand-crafted Frappuccinos that were then hand-held by thirsty consumers wanting their icy caffeinated beverages that contain at least 400 hand-crafted calories, 50 or 60 or more hand-crafted grams of sugar, and possibly even hand-crafted insects. So technically, yes, Frappuccinos are hand-crafted.
I’m not going to get all Martha-esque on you here, but to me, hand-crafted does not mean mass produced.
Starbucks, let’s just call a spade a spade and agree that saying it’s a hand-crafted spade is ridiculous. Just sell the drinks and don’t bullshit consumers.
Disclaimer: I would think it would be patently obvious that I’m not employed by Starbucks, nor was I asked to review their products. But I should also confess that I occasionally fork over money for Starbucks beverages. I don’t actually care if they’re hand-crafted or not.