"You call that colon cleanse hand-crafted? Bitch, please. I'ma tell you all about hand-crafting a flavored iced coffee. First you buy your own coffee plantation..." (Yahoo Images)
Several weeks ago, I made my bi-weekly pilgrimage to my favorite exclusive boutique, le Tarzhay, to stock up on fripperies essentials. When I went through the check out, I received a coupon for “buy one, get one free Starbucks hand-crafted Frappuccino.”
Hand-crafted, as in crafted by hand.
When I think of hand-crafted, I imagine that someone carefully gathered the ingredients needed for an icy coffee drink, whipped them together in a blender, and then served the resulting frothy concoction to me in a tall glass. I imagine that my hand-crafted beverage was either created at a local coffee shop or perhaps in someone’s home.
Starbucks, however, has a different version of hand-crafted. Technically, human hands were involved in the creation of those beverages. In fact, many human hands were involved in the creation of Frappuccinos.
According to Wikipedia, Frappuccinos consist of “coffee blended with ice and various other ingredients” (emphasis my own). These various other ingredients include flavored syrups and flavored powders. Millions of hand-crafted Frappuccinos are served at thousands of Starbucks all over the world.
By my count, there were many human hands that hand-crafted the base ingredients — the coffee, the ice, and the flavored syrups and powders — in Starbucks factories. Then there were the human hands that hand-packaged the various other ingredients and hand-shipped them to Starbucks locations around the world, where those various other ingredients were hand-crafted into hand-crafted Frappuccinos that were then hand-held by thirsty consumers wanting their icy caffeinated beverages that contain at least 400 hand-crafted calories, 50 or 60 or more hand-crafted grams of sugar, and possibly even hand-crafted insects. So technically, yes, Frappuccinos are hand-crafted.
I’m not going to get all Martha-esque on you here, but to me, hand-crafted does not mean mass produced.
Starbucks, let’s just call a spade a spade and agree that saying it’s a hand-crafted spade is ridiculous. Just sell the drinks and don’t bullshit consumers.
Disclaimer: I would think it would be patently obvious that I’m not employed by Starbucks, nor was I asked to review their products. But I should also confess that I occasionally fork over money for Starbucks beverages. I don’t actually care if they’re hand-crafted or not.
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I really dislike the term “hand-crafted” unless I’m talking about one of my kids’ art projects and even then it sounds a bit pretentious. And speaking of kids, I read a book where the author’s mother wouldn’t allow him to use the following words because she thought they were low class: Mom, gift, kids, drapes, shrub, home, carpet.
“Home” makes me crazy. I discourage my kids from using it too!
My husband and I were just talking about the “hand-dipped” ice cream craze. Like someone scooping your ice cream from a tub is something special. It’s ridiculous.
And “artisan” mass marketed breads and such.
ar·ti·san /ˈɑrtəzən/ Show Spelled[ahr-tuh-zuhn]
noun
1. a person skilled in an applied art; a craftsperson.
2. a person or company that makes a high-quality, distinctive product in small quantities, usually by hand and using traditional methods: food artisans.
reminds me not to call the high paid hooker a call girl….we know who’s calling who.
“hand-crafted” LOL
I “make” cards: buy cardstock, cut, fold, and add a photograph I have taken. That’s not to say it’s a POS, but I wouldn’t call it hand-crafted unless I had made the paper myself by masticating wood chips that I had gathered in the forest.
Going to a 5-bucks establishment brings on a bit of self-loathing for me, unless it is Pumpkin Latte season.
Ha ha! “masticating wood chips”!
I’m definitely with you –Starbucks might have started out with almost “hand-crafted” stuff millions of years ago in Seattle, but they are mass-produced now.
When I was in Laramie, WY last summer I had a latte that was a lot closer to hand-crafted, with great latte art. But even that was not hand-crafted –they certainly weren’t roasting their own beans on the premises!
They did start out as something really special, Cassi. My mom was one of their very early customers and I am happy to say that I was drinking their coffee (brewed at home) in my youth.
By the time I was a young mom, there were several truly excellent places to go in Seattle where the beans were being roasted on site, *in sight*, and the folks who worked there served art in a sturdy, thick, white cup with a saucer. If you went often enough, the person behind the counter knew your “usual.” Those places were not Starbucks.
I love it when you get a little hissy. Go get ‘em.
Bwahahaha!
“handcrafted.” Could mean anything. It’s like “Natural.” Means nothing!