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As I’m sure you’ve heard, last week a female Democratic lawmaker in Michigan was reprimanded and barred from speaking on the House floor because she used the word VAGINA in a statement about proposed abortion regulations. The state Republicans who rescinded her speaking privileges for one day were offended by her use of the word VAGINA and meted out the punishment as a result.
Those poor babies. Unable to handle the word (VAGINA) that describes the body part (a VAGINA, by the way) possessed by around 50% of the population (women, who have VAGINAS) and which many of them (the male Republican, who don’t have VAGINAS, because they have PENISES) spend so much time and energy and sometimes money trying to gain access to (again, VAGINAS).
In order to ease their suffering, I have put together a handy dandy glossary of euphemisms referring to the VAGINA so that no one will offend Michigan Republicans and other overly-sensitive conservative males with the words VAGINA, VAGINA, or VAGINA:
- Agina-vay (Pig Latin)
- Baby chute (Because, hey, some conservatives think that’s all we’re good for, which is good since they don’t want us using birth control or having abortions.)
- Bajina (one of my daughters, age 4)
- Beaver (Canadians)
- Chamber of Secrets (J.K. Rowling)
- Chocha (Puerto Rican)
- Coochie
- Coslopus
- The Darkness
- Fandan (Lowland Scots)
- Fanny (British English, a.k.a. the original English)
- The Fun Zone
- Gash (Northern Irish)
- Hoohah
- Hot box
- Kinish (Yiddish)
- Lady bits
- Lady garden
- Love canal
- Love cave
- Map of Tassie (Australian)
- Muff (British)
- The Netherlands (not the Dutch)
- Nether regions
- Omanko (Japanese)
- Pikachu
- Pizdah (Slovenian)
- Privates
- Satan’s trap
- Snatch
- Vag/vajj
- Vajayjay
- Vertical smile
- The VIP section
- Whispering eye (Creole slang)
I hope you find this list to be helpful. May you never offend a white male Republican lawmaker again by saying VAGINA.
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Your choice of images made me spit my coffee. Thank you.
The Darkness?!!!
I really love “Map of Tassie”. That shouldn’t be too had to work into a conversation!
What a thorough list. I think the Republican Males can find a word that better suits them.
I also snorted when I saw the accompanying picture.
Vagina, vagina, vagina!
There, I’ve said it!
How about “Downtown”?
Thank you for the morning laugh! (which was sorely needed today) This reminds me of the sex ed scene in Varsity Blues!
Are you serious? She was muzzled for using the correct word for a body part? Would they have been all upset if she’d said ‘pancreas’ or ‘ovary’ or ‘duodenum’? Who *are* these people?
The 4 year old daughter of my former boss called it her “China”.
You seriously got hate mail over this post? WTF??
Michele, yes it’s been an interesting day. So far, three rather nasty ones and two that were argumentative.
For real? I do hope you’ll share if you can.
I prefer…Love tunnel.
And, contrary to Little Miss Sunshine, I’m an uptown girl.
And now I want to sing a chorus of “Uptown Girl”
prim and proper me, loves Lady Bits to death….but naughty me loves Chelsea Handlers versions just the same. I remembered that Craig Ferguson has gone on about what “fanny” means in Scotland….the UK version of what a lot of tourists to their regions wear around their waists. Fanny pack. Vagina pack. heh.
This was a fun and informative list. I think I’ll print it out and stick it in my purse
Hee, I like the list. It reminds me of when I was in high school and was working at a gas station on weekends for spending money. It was a discount chain called Beaver Gas. We also had a car wash and a lube bay. I had to answer the phone, “Beaver Action Centre, can I help you?” I bet you can imagine some of the calls I got. True story.
you had me at lube bay….
you crazy Canadians!
I’m thinking there are a lot worse words she might have used
My best gal pal and I, when we were roommates, once had an ongoing list of euphemisms for “penis” (and/or “testicles,” to be honest – sometimes hard to separate the parts, as with “twig and berries”). We used to demand that people tell us the most obscure ones they’d ever heard when they came over to visit and we’d write them down on the list if they weren’t already there. We had over 100 at one point. I have no idea where it is now – probably got tossed out. This makes me nostalgic for the many giggles we got compiling that list.
BWAHAHAHA! “Satan’s Trap!” This list was exhaustive.
Except you are missing Charlotte’s classic from Sex in the City: “C-U-Next-Thursday.”
(really, she spells it out just like that)
Missed the hate mail – I can’t imagine why someone would be upset!
staying for the fun. i can only add some others after work is over.
Ever since the “others” took control of our state house, we’ve been trapped in a time warp. Last month in Kalamazoo during the Annual “Women of Achievement” Awards Ceremony sponsored by the YWCA, 3 area legislators refused to sign the proclamation given to one of the honorees (they signed them for the other 4). Why? Because she was being honored for her work in the LBGT Center on the campus of Western Michigan University in our city. WTF?? UNBELIEVABLE!!
Pikachu? Seriously? I’m suddenly an 11yo boy….
Pika!! Pika-CHUUUUUUU!!!!!
It’s hard to conceive (ha!) that you got hate mail for this post. Seriously people? Get a life! The hoohah is very important body part! It makes me want to take a road trip to Michigan and shout VAGINA! in the state legislative building… and then shout all of the words on your VIP list.
I always come too late for the hate mail…so sad.
I signed a petition on this issue and indicated my age and that I was not offended by the use of the word vagina – since those men seem to think that older women are offended by speaking aloud the name of one of their body parts. I also suggested that if they want to get real about what’s causing all the trouble in women’s health they should talk about PENISES.
If we were on facebook, I would “like” this comment!
The sad thing is, most men don’t understand the issue. *sigh*
Hope that the P word doe not bring more hate mail – if it does just forward it on to me!
I am appalled at you!
(heh)
You left out
“South of the Border”
“taco”
and “down there.”
Also — I live within sight of the Michigan Capitol building. I want to go there every day, stand under the dome, and chant ‘vagina vagina vagina!’
Think I”d get thrown out?