I recently got a catalog from Orvis Outfitters. I don’t know if I should be flattered that they think I am part of their demographic (über preppy) or offended that they think I am part of their demographic (über preppy, conservative, and much older than I am).
Now, this is probably the point when you’re thinking that I’m going to go through the Orvis catalog and sling around my bitchery about a great many things in there, just as I do with, say, the Ren Faire Fanatics and Hooker Supplies catalog. However, this time, I am not.
Don’t look so shocked.
Honestly, given my track record of sharing my snark about a catalog and then ending up buying something from said purveyor, as occurred in the Great Eating Crow Incident of 2009, I’m a wee bit concerned that I’ll end up losing my head and buying a vintage denim blazer or vintage drawstring pants. (And don’t even get me started on the misuse of the word vintage.) Or that I’ll get all “A River Runs Through It” and take up a new sport.
Seriously, y’all Orvis does carry Barbour and all I’m going to say is that it’s a damn good thing that this tartan bag is way out of my price range because you good people know how much I love me some tartan.
So, I’ll limit my commentary to just one item in the entire Orvis collection: The spun silk turtleneck dickey.
Do you know what a dickey is? According to Wikipedia, it’s a bib-like false-front shirt that one wears under another article of clothing, such as a coat or sweater. These days, they are most common as fake turtlenecks under sweaters, like this:
Personally, I can’t imagine wearing something like this, because surely that flap of fabric would slide around and irritate me all hairshirt-like and I am most definitely not a Franciscan friar. However, I understand wanting the look of a turtleneck without raising one’s body temperature another 20 degrees, so I’m not going to comment further on this particular sartorial trend.
The dickies sold at Orvis, however, are styled quite differently. I have not been able to find photos on the website, but in the catalog they’re shown as being more more like cropped tops than bibs, like this:
So, in essence, Orvis is selling belly shirts to grandmothers and great-aunts all across the preppy nation. I checked the website, but apparently hip preppy granny fashion does not include navel rings made of cultured pearls or monogrammed gold, which is a major lost opportunity, if you ask me.
Do you know who will probably wear one of these belly shirts? 60-year-old Britney Spears, that’s who.
See? She already has the granny panties to go with her dickey. Mark my words, in 2042, this look is going to make a comeback.
One of the great things about dickies is that, in usual circumstances, one doesn’t know if others are wearing them. For all I know, at my next girls’ night out, at least half of my girlfriends will be rocking them and no one will be the wiser. (Unless, of course, the appletinis flow too freely, in which case it’s entirely possible that some cardigans are getting tossed aside.)
So that’s what I’ve got for you today. I’m going to sign off now and go bury the Orvis catalog down waaaaaay deep in the recycling bin so that I’m not tempted by anything else.
Disclaimer: Just in case it’s not clear, I do not work for Orvis, I was not asked to review their products, nor was I compensated in any way. Photo credits: All are from Yahoo Images.