We’re going to need a bigger house*

I have gotten a catalog in the mail that almost defies belief. While I’m sure I’ve seen something like this before, I’m not certain I’ve ever seen anything quite so much like this before.

I am talking about the Noble Collection catalog, which appears to be a purveyor of reproduction memorabilia for movies. Many, many, many pages are given over to selling stuff that was previously just props in movies — The Lord of the Rings, The Green Lantern, Batman, and more, much more.

What impressed me was the boat load of fake Harry Potter movie tchochkes, including the wands of all the major characters and even some minor ones, Death Eater paraphernalia, statuary of magical creatures, and all kinds of other stuff that would have never occurred to me that anyone would spend their money on. But apparently people do — or at least someone thinks they will.

I’m not really sure what to make of this. It would be one thing if I were in possession of a real actual movie prop that J.K. Rowling herself gave me. That is something I would proudly display for all the world to see.

But why would I want some of these:

…the ersatz magic wands of everyone in Dumbledore’s Army, complete with falsified signatures on a piece of parchment.

… a bogus Deluminator (pictured above) that doesn’t actually deluminate.

… a creepy Death Eater’s mask.

a complete set of Gringott’s coins that has no actual value.

… a box of fake Harry “artefacts”.

… and who would spend $300 on a broomstick that neither sweeps nor flies? That’s an awfully big and expensive knickknack.

I am trying — and failing — to see the point of all this.

But, in the spirit of things, I’ll give it a good faith effort. Let’s say that I’m going to design a room; in fact, I’ll recreate the Gryffindor common room. Here’s what it looks like:

Jen on the Edge - Gryffindor Playmobil

Jen on the Edge - Gryffindor Common Room

Okay, I’m going to need some comfy leather chairs and ottomans by a huge fireplace, with a plush Persian rug on the floor. Maybe a tapestry or two on the wall, along with the painting of the Fat Lady. Duh. I think it would be great to have a full-size suit of armor to really add to the overall ambiance. I also went over to Etsy and found a Gryffindor afghan for a little cozy warmth and some Hogwarts throw pillows for extra cushioning comfort.

Okay, so I have the basics in my room. Now for some Harry-inspired objet d’art. What should I get?

I’d hang Godric Gryffindor’s sword above the fireplace for sure. In fact, I want that bad boy hanging over the fireplace in a place of honor. On another wall, I’d display a case full of magic wands and on yet another wall I’m totally hanging the Mirror of Erised. I’ll display the Sorcerer’s Stone, a Golden Snitch, and the Triwizard Cup on the side tables, for extra character. And, in one corner, I’ll stand up some of those broomsticks I mentioned earlier. There, that should make for a very Harry room, dontchathink?

Of course, this fantasy room wouldn’t be cheap — around $13,000 for everything I’ve listed above. Because that’s totally how I think we all should be spending our money.

What do you think of this catalog? Would you buy something from it?

* No, not really, but I couldn’t help riffing on that line from “Jaws.”
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14 Responses to We’re going to need a bigger house*

  1. jen_alluisi says:

    I vote weird on this. I have no idea who the market is for an overpriced fake magic wand. If your kids want to play pretend, a stick from the yard is a lot cheaper…

    I got a catalog the other day that I almost took to your house just so you could write about it. You’re going to love this – it was a catalog of OTHER CATALOGS’ MERCHANDISE. It was called something like “World’s Best-Selling Catalog Items.” The mind boggles.

  2. Jen, a meta catalogue?

  3. Patience says:

    I’m digging those playmobile Harry Potter sets. If my kids were still in the playmobile stage, I’d be all over those like a cheap suit.

    • Jen says:

      Patience, I did some research last night and couldn’t find any official HP Playmobil sets, so I think someone got very creative. And used a Sharpie to make Harry’s glasses.

  4. Heather says:

    All I can think of with the Lego and Playsets is that they come to life and fight each other and get into magical scrapes A-La-Toy Story. That’d be kinda rad – but not 13 grand rad.

  5. bdaiss says:

    You would not believe the room, yes ROOM dedicated to Star Wars stuff that my cousin and her hubby have. I do believe it includes a number of movie props. (And posters, and cardboard cutouts, and action figures, and, and, and. AND now they’re passing the obsession down to their son. Wait…I shouldn’t blame my cousin for this. It’s her husband who’s the Star Wars geek, not her. She just figured it wasn’t worth the fight.)

    So yeah – there are totally folks out there who will buy this stuff.

  6. ssheers says:

    I got that catalog, too! I looked at every page with great delight and then tossed it into the recycling bin.

  7. If some of the things were less expensive I would order them for my daughter who still believes she will marry Rupert (Ron) Grint.

  8. Skywalker says:

    I will just take the chair and ottoman so I can cozy up to my kindle. No, I don’t think my kids are ready for Harry Potter yet.

  9. Cassi Renee says:

    I imagine some kids would love that stuff, but what parent would spend that kind of money?!

    Similar to bdaiss’s experience with Star Wars, I have an acquaintance (ex-wife of a colleague) who completely decorated their house in Winnie-the-Pooh stuff. I mean completely! Every room of their house, even the bathroom, was Winnie-themed. The one time Rob and I visited, before they divorced, we were just in shock.

    We weren’t terribly surprised when they divorced.

  10. Kris says:

    Yeah that’s a little much, even for me. And I’m a serious, serious Star Wars and Harry Potter geek. In my younger days I dreamed of a Star Wars room with lightsaber nightlights, a Star Wars quilt on the bed, posters, blah blah blah. Now that I am an old fart, there’s just no way in hell. And Toby’s even at the age where he would DIE if I did his room in Star Wars. Too bad kid. It’s too kitschy for me.

  11. I prefer to send my kids outdoor to fight with sticks (although we own an inordinate number of lightsabers). However, the common room at my 19yo’s dorm reminds me a little bit of the Gryffindor common room… just a little.

  12. erin says:

    I have to admit, when I went to the Harry Potter exhibit at Discovery Times Square last summer, I did buy a fake Marauder’s Map in the gift shop. Even as I was forking over the cash I was thinking to myself “what in the world am I EVER going to do with this?” But I couldn’t stop myself. That map and the Room of Requirement were two of my favorite (non-character) things from the movies.

    That said… yeah, I don’t understand spending so much cash and buying so many things. A token here and there, eh, no biggie. But this is crazy!

  13. Frannie says:

    I have to admit when I get catalogs like that in the mail I love to look at the pictures, but I would never buy anything.

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