About a year ago, I wrote a blog post about a catalog called The Pyramid Collection: Myth, Magick, Fantasy & Romance. I had quite a bit to say about that catalog’s offerings, as some of you might remember.
The newest catalog arrived in the Jenworld mail box over the weekend and it’s like Christmas came early, y’all, because the U.S. Postal Service pretty much hand delivered to me a fully-written blog post.
Here’s a screen shot of the main page of the website:
I’m not sure why that black velvet cape is included in that group of costumes, because clearly the theme of the photo is Disney on Ice. As in, Pirates of the Caribbean on Ice, Black Swan on Ice, and Moulin Rouge on Ice. Oh wait, maybe that cape is an apres-show cover up?
Unlike the catalog I received last year, this year’s is less about witches and Renaissance faires and more about hookers and prostitutes, with a smattering of call girls. The sub-theme is fantasy and role play — ah yes, costumes for hookers. All of the following will be available to you during your next visit to a Nevada bordello:
Hooker as Saloon Madam — For the client who watched “Gunsmoke” as a boy and had fantasies about Miss Kitty. Boot spurs available upon request.
Hooker as Robin Hood — Well thank goodness the hat is included, because the look was incomplete without it. And while the client is being hypnotized by the red feather, the hooker can pocket his wallet in her handy-dandy money bag, which is clearly labeled in case she thinks it’s for holding other things that I’m not going to mention here because my daughters will be reading this and I’m already pushing the envelope quite a bit.
Hooker as can-can dancer — For the client who’s a 19th century Francophile with a penchant for unfiltered cigarettes and absinthe.
Hooker as Little Red Riding Hood — For the client who fancies himself a Big Bad Wolf. Granny costumes available upon request.
In this fantasy bordello, there are theme rooms too:
Moving along, there are some other choice costumes for your at-home enjoyment:
That’s totally bondage on the top, goth fairy on the bottom, bitches. It’s a hard look to pull off, so NO.
And no. Just on general principle.
Definitely no. Crotch-length is never good. And the detachable sleeves are just bizarre. What? It’s okay to have your hoo-ha and bosoms hanging out, but upper arms are verboten?
Forget crotch-length, that’s more like fallopian-length. Hellz no.
Corset. Flounces. Uterus-length. Spider web capelet. Pfft. That’s what Pete calls “Saturday date night.”
I’m kidding. That one is freaking me out. Y’all know I’m not fond of spiders. Definitely a no.
[I showed Pete this last part and he seemed to think the costume was fine. In fact, he told me to "Go for it."]
I don’t care how many gemstones you hot-glue on, Lucite is NEVER an acceptable material for shoes. No. Non. Nein. Nyet.
I tried to find one item, anything, something that I could conceivably buy and, alas, I was unsuccessful. (And no, Pete’s not getting the Spider Woman costume. He’d do well to do some reading on Black Widows as a cautionary tale.) So it was with
great delight much regret that I recycled the catalog. I thought about asking them to take me off their mailing list, but then imagined the sad looks in your faces when I told you that there would be no more reviews, and decided to just stay on the list. For your sake.
If any of you have bought anything from this catalog, I’d love to hear about it. Go ahead, share with the rest of the class.