Last week, a friend of mine — who shall be known here as Fat Fingers Bailey — had several rather difficult days when her children came home with creepy crawlies in their hair. She wanted to be able to vent online, but also wanted to maintain her anonymity, so I told her she could post her thoughts here. You’re going to *love* her version of venting.
The last few days have gifted me with an abundance of annoyances. The latest being the discovery, yesterday, that my oldest child has head lice. IN FREAKING AUGUST.
[Jen's note: Where this person lives, lice are common in the cold months, but not in the warm months.]
This means that my younger child (with her long, thick curly mane) probably has them too. In lieu of whining unimaginatively about my annoyances, I shall whine *imaginatively* about them in the form of a blues song. Please imagine the twangy guitar accompaniment and the harmonica notes at the end of each line.
My car’s starter is shot. (Doo doo doo DOO)
And my children have lice. (Doo doo doo DOO)
I’ve done piles of laundry. (Doo doo doo DOO)
I’ve sterilized it all twice. (Doo doo doo DOO)
I vacuumed til midnight. (Doo doo doo DOO)
And it isn’t all done. (Doo doo doo DOO)
I am really tired. (Doo doo doo DOO)
This isn’t much fun. (Doo doo doo DOO)
I was halfway thru cleaning out my pantry. (Doo doo doo DOO)
When I had to stop to go out and buy lice shampoo. (Doo doo doo DOO)
So my kitchen counters are still covered in cans and boxes. (Doo doo doo DOO)
And I’m feeling blue. (Doo doo doo DOO)
I’ve combed and picked thru so much hair. (Doo doo doo DOO)
I feel just like a baboon. (Doo doo doo DOO)
And I was itchy so I used the shampoo too. (Doo doo doo DOO)
I hope the chemical smell goes away soon. (Doo doo doo DOO)
~ Fat Fingers Bailey
(Blues name courtesy of The Blues Name Calculator.)
Thanks to Fat Fingers Bailey for the post! I just checked and it appears that my blues name is Boney Gumbo McGee. What’s yours? Also, feel free to share creepy crawler stories if you’re feeling brave.
My blues name is Fat Liver Hopkins. ha! I can feel Fat Fingers Bailey’s pain. We don’t deal with head lice, we deal with fleas. Never had an issue with them until we bought our house (which was not all gross and dirty when we bought it), now every Spring, Summer, and Fall we spend hundreds upon hundreds of dollars trying to get rid of them and keep our dogs and cats itchy-free. I hate it; it makes me feel dirty.
This is the second blog I read this morning and it’s also the second post about bugs!! I just came back from staying with a couple of friends out in Outerbanks where they were renting a house and she was bitten by a bed bug one morning. I get the hibbyjibbies just thinking about it. ewwww……..There’s something about being bitten while sleeping.
Ugh! Poor thing!
I remember when I was a nanny and one of the kids came home with lice. Amazingly, my aunt was an account exec for RID and she talked the poor mom down, assuring her that lice like clean heads, so this was not a comment on her cleanliness. I remember combing out three heads of hair multiple times per day…it was nuts!
It was good practice for the time my dog got fleas from a neighbor’s dog. Just as my girls had cried at the sight of that lice comb, Baxter would get very, very sad at the sight of the flea comb.
Thankfully, I can look back and laugh at both experiences now!
~Boney Harp Parker
I’m jailhouse boy jenkins–feeling SO SORRY for your itchy family. Lice is the worst amount of work–your poor daughters. Poor YOU!
Boney Lemon McGee.
And I do feel kinda itchy…thanks.
Ugh, that is SO not fun. Jailhouse Hips Barker here. So sorry she has to deal with lice and everything else.
I actually complained to the trainer today at the gym because the showers completely grossed me out. There were flies EVERYWHERE. One landed on my leg while I was shaving it, blech. And the shower curtains are slimy.
Ok, now I’m completely itchy!
Call me Curly Bones King from now on.
Fat Fingers, I really feel the blues in your song, baby. I’m tipping my (lice-free) faded plaid pork-pie hat to you.
Mine is lame. Blind Boy Franklin. Whatevs.
I have thanked the powers that be many times that lice hasn’t appeared in my household!
I’m using my Blues name because I also have had lousy luck this past week. I wasn’t in the middle of cleaning out the pantry, though. I was in the middle of cleaning out the guest room in preparation of my mother’s visit. I’d been using the guest bed as the staging area for outgrown clothing donations. I had to stop mid-bagging and labeling to delouse the house. The only good thing to come out of it was learning the origins of words and expressions such as lousy, nitpicking, and “going over with a fine-toothed comb.” I’m still itchy, and we’re set to do it all over again this week to make sure we got all the little bloodsuckers.
Love the song, hate the subject. I’ve never had to deal with lice, thank goodness.
signed, Brown Fingers Rivers
Blind Money Bailey here – a distant relative to Fat Fingers? I wish I had her talent for singing the blues when we had lice at our house. My youngest with the head full of blond hair and a tender scalp had them bad and missed over a week of school. We used the chemical shampoos – the kids who used mayo seemed to get back to school sooner!
Brown Fingers Hopkins….
That is NOT cool…the lice thing and now I’m completely itchy as well.
Thankfully we sailed through elementary, middle and high school with nary a nit! As an OCD clean freak I’m sure it would have sent me over the edge!
Curly Gumbo Lee
This and the thought of bed bugs wake me up at night!
When I was growing up, back in the olden days, there was NO lice.
YIKES progress isn’t always a good thing.
I say blowdry the kids’ hair – it will burn those bugs or make ‘em want to hop out of there and go hide in a nice, cool, place – oops that would probably be in Oregon. Second thought…lice aren’t so bad
Oh poor F.F. Bailey! Great song though. When I was in 4th grade my psoriasis showed up, primarily as what most mom’s know as cradle cap. Every time we had lice inspections they tried to send me home. My mom had to call and explain *again* that it was basically just really bad dandruff, not lice eggs. Yeah, that was fun. I was soon introduced to tar baths. Just as bad as those lice shampoos. Except for your whole freaking body.
Muddy Eyes Dupree
Love the post, hate the bugs. We have been lucky enough to escape any invasions o’ the bugs in my house and I hope it stays that way!