People, today we’re going to start things off with a random bit of trivia:
Did you know that 40,000 homes in England have outdoor toilets? I am not making this up. That means that about one in every 1,000 homes has a loo just steps away from the barbecue. That sounds a bit like the making of Animal House 2: Bluto’s Garden Party.
The crazy thing is, these outdoor lavatories actually add value to the homes — some real estate listings mention them as a “heritage” feature. To me, “heritage” means crown moldings, old wooden floors, and the possibility that George Washington slept there. An unheated outhouse that’s probably infested with spiders does not make my list of must-haves.
However, there are those people who apparently actually like using the breezy latrines, as it gives them a bit more privacy and adds some fresh air to their morning routine. I am going to assume that this group of people is largely male and that they are all very manly indeed.
I’m trying to imagine the circumstances under which I’d be willing use an outdoor WC, because I fail to see how they are any different than the ones found in rest areas, truck stops, public parks, and possibly even campgrounds. I guess the graffiti probably isn’t as colorful and informative.
We all know that I love England So Very Much, however, I am not so sure that even living in England would make a heritage crapper acceptable, even if my new second husband Colin Firth came with the house AND scrubbed the outdoor throne with his very own hands. Naked. While singing Savage Garden.
Colin, real men take showers, not bubble baths.
I will say this, those outdoor powder rooms do look like they’d make excellent garden sheds.
What do the rest of you think? Thumbs up or down to the outdoor privy?
BTW, please notice that I only used the word “toilet” once in the entire post. In fact, each synonym was used only once. Gotta love Thesaurus.com and the Urban Dictionary.
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Also, I’m over at the Women’s Colony today!
I’m all for ‘em – after all it would keep my insides smelling sweet and clean
Eh. The idea doesn’t really bother me. While I wouldn’t want to do it year round… every year over summer, at our beach section I use an outdoor toilet. It’s not really that bad. We also have an outdoor shower – complete with only cold water, and no roof. Nothing beats a shower until the blue sky and sun…… yet knowing that the walls are high enough for no one to see in!!!
thumbs down – the weather just ain’t right for it. but Colin Firth in a bubble bath? if he’s waiting there for me to climb in with him, then that’s fine by me! (I appreciate that is fantasy marriage adultery – sorry)
Oh no!!
That toilet seat has to be COLD in the winter!!
I can’t imagine getting out of a warm bed in the middle of the winter, in the middle of the night, putting on a coat and shoes, getting to the potty shed and SOMEONE IS ALREADY IN THERE!!
I get up waaaay too many times at night for an outdoor loo to be acceptable.
Plus, it does look like a shed. In time, I’m sure you’d start putting stuff in there ‘just for storage’ and then end up having to pee halfway standing while holding a garden rake and straddling a bag of peat moss.
I’m assuming that these houses have indoor plumbing as well, right?
Thumbs way down. My dad had one growing up. But at night he and his brothers would do the deed in a bed pan…uck!!!!
I’ve had to use an outhouse and a Turkish toilet or just squat in a field way too many times when there were no other options for this to have any appeal for me. I was a Peace Corps volunteer and believe me, the glamor of carrying your own toilet paper everywhere you go and walking through the mud to get to the outhouse goes away in about three seconds.
My standard now for vacation is it has to be to a country where there are flush toilets and where I do not have to take my own toilet paper.
Eww.
that’s all.
Just, eww.
As long as it’s clean, no problem! As others above, I am assuming there’s indoor plumbing, too?
Golddigger – I encountered my first Turkish toilet this year, at the age of 54, and I have to admit, I passed on it, practiced my Kegels, and waited until I could sneak into a cafe. How do you even USE those things, what happens to your pants?
I love the idea of an outdoor shower.
About the indoor vs. outdoor thing: As I understand it, all of these houses started off with only the outdoor privies, but most (all?) were later modernized with indoor plumbing.
Fascinating–I had no idea. I do enjoy my indoor plumbing, but I confess to wishing we had an outhouse for when I gotta go but my boots are caked with mud and going inside is a major hassle…
These people with outdoor toilets obviously do not have to pee as many times during the night as I do.
My mother in law didn’t have indoor plumbing until she was a senior in high school (1967 or ’68, I can’t remember which year exactly). She grew up in eastern South Dakota. And there were 13 kids in her family. Oy vey! (There were also only 2 bedrooms for all the kids…ah farm families.)
I could do it if I had to. But the rest of the house had better be pretty damn spectacular. And provided it’s connected to a real sewer and not a stinky pit toilet. Those only belong at rustic campgrounds.
In 2004 I discovered why Italian women have such skinny legs. It’s because their facilities are so nasty they have to hover. That’ll tone your thigh muscles pretty quick.
My parents have an outdoor loo! And an indoor one, just to make that clear. In fact, they spent money making it nicer. Mainly it is used by my father when he needs to be loo-bound for an extended period of time.
Initially it struck me as odd, I’ll admit, and to be frank you would have to pay me cash money to use it at night. Sometimes there are spiders in there. But mostly I think it’s a good idea, if only that it means when you’re working in the garden you don’t have to get all un-shoed to go all the way indoors to relieve yourself.
Hilarious! Ah, the things we’d never imagine about life in other countries. And I’m with you: No way. Not ever.
Oh my! The things I learn in the blogosphere. Thumbs down to the outdoor loo. It would be like camping, and, really, who needs that?
If it were optional I wouldn’t mind having a place to send the Saint on occasion – I’m just sayin’!
Thumbs down for me – all I can think is how it’s been a cold winter!
Um, no thanks. 1) in the winter, it would SUCK! And 2) in the summer, with the humidity, it would SUCK!
I laughed out loud over this post. Heritage!! I LOVE IT!! As I was reading I was surprised to note that my first association was (for the first time I can remember) NOT my Uncle Skinny and Aunt Opal, who only got indoor plumbing in the 1980′s (they also lived on a ranch and caught coyotes for sport, so really, there are larger issues at work, aren’t there?). No, my first association was Ted Kooser, two time Poet Laureate of this great nation of ours and long-time advocate of his own private outhouse. I do believe he’s written at least one poem about it. And he’s a very good poet. I have met him several times, and was actually at his home once–this on an emergency bathroom stop out in the boonies, with an older professor whose bladder failed him at a most inopportune time–and saw his outdoor potty, though I did not use it. He is a charming man, and, it would seem, a very manly man, too.
Thanks Jen, for this very funny post. BTW I hopped on over here from The Women’s Colony. I loved your interview.
Definitely no thanks to that. Too weird. It’s COLD over there too! Rain? Snow? How do they deal?
G, the trick to using a Turkish toilet (which, I have to admit is more sanitary than a regular public toilet because you don’t have to touch anything) is that your feet have to be slightly wider than shoulder width, your butt has to be lower than your knees, and you lean forward. That way you don’t pee on yourself. I have perfected the technique. Heck, I have done this while wearing a backpack. While being watched by the old Aymara lady and her granddaughter in the La Paz bus station. Oh yes. I am an experienced public peer.
My mom didn’t have indoor plumbing until she was a teenager, either. Seven kids, two bedrooms, one bathroom, northern Wisconsin. (But they all turned out fine – that’s just what life was like on a farm back then.) That plus my Peace Corps experience is why I tend to roll my eyes at what most people think is “poor” in this country.
While I would love an outdoor shower (for spare, of course, and with high walls) I would NOT like an outdoor potty. Crap no. (hee!)
In the winter, too cold; in the autumn, too breezy; in the summer, too buggy, and in the spring, too wet.
Since I think I’m the only male who’s commented on this post, I should point out that guys don’t need an actual building to pee in. Every tree’s a bathroom!
My stepdad used to visit his elderly mother in Slovenia and offer time after time to pay for indoor plumbing so she wouldn’t have to go and use the outside bathroom at night and in the winter. She always refused. She thought it was totally revolting that someone would want to pee or poop *inside the house*. A different outlook, I guess.
Since I always need to go at least one in te night – this would be a complete disaster for me. I would have to get dressed put on shoes find flashlight and by then I would have…well, needed an adult diaper. sorry if that is just TMI!!
My first thought was that a facility outside of the home would eliminate the unpleasantness and embarrassment of…um…emanations.
My second thought was that Colin has surprisingly nice teeth for a Brit.
Ultimately, I think I vote thumbs down. Because I don’t want to wake up at 3 a.m. and spend time evaluating the level of need when I hear rain on the roof.
When I was growing up we had an outdoor toilet. It was not flushing one either. It was the can sort and once a week the nightman would pick it up and dump the contents in a truck that parked in the lane behind our house. The toilet always had spiders in it and you always had to check under the wooden seat and rim before sitting down. I was bitten more than once.
No wonder I wet my bed more often than I care to recall. Who would want to walk out in the dark to that place?
This was in 1970 by the way.
way late to the party here, but from a different perspective can I add:::
since having kids (20 yrs ago) I fantasized, I mean, heavily, having designing a kitchen with tiles (I know, not so unusual, even back then) that sloped slightly towards a drain (like the kind you see in industrial public bathrooms) in the center of the floor, and a hose somewhere (like off the underside of the kitchen sink maybe?) that you could take out, and spray down the floor. Heck, maybe that’s what they do in public restrooms or industrial kitchens.
But, having 2 german shepherds, and 2 kids back then, I always was thinking the “if only” thoughts on cleaning. Faster, more economical, more often. The nurse in me wanted this so bad.
And then I thought, even better—a BATHROOM that has a drain in it, and the whole damn thing tiled. One hose spray of the whole dang thing, and all the hair down the drain (hairy men here).
If you had an outside toilet, this could very very easily become a design reality. A true “water closet” aka WC. eh? anyone else see the simplistic beauty in this? Or, is it just me?
Julie, I have seen showers like that abroad (like in Holland and France and Morocco). The entire bathroom is tiled with a drain and it’s a pain in the ass to shower because whoever designed it forgot the part about toilet paper not needing to get wet. But you’re on the right track. Except then you have to wait for the floor to dry after every shower.
Julie, most restaurants DO have this kind of drain to clean the floor! I can see with my dogs tracking in mud how that would be appealing (I’m a retired nurse, too). We have an outdoor shower which we turn on in the nice weather and everyone who comes to visit loves it. I think the heritage toilet is for men who want to feel close to their roots…I wonder if Colin has ever used one?
Pete – the bloke in that picture does indeed also have an inside loo.
The first house I rented in my first job did have an inside loo, but it was through one of the two bedrooms, meaning if my housemate was erm, amorous, with her boyfriend and I needed the loo, I had to go across the road to my own boyfriend’s house and ask to use the loo. That house also had a phone wired into the wall, when it was faulty and we had to report it, BT couldn’t believe it, they thought everyone had gone over to wall socket phones. Mind you, boyfriend’s house over the road, rented from the same person, didn’t have a phone at all, and since this was before mobile phones, if anyone wanted him, they would call us.
Our second rented house was very modern but did still have its outside loo as well, and the third had the outside loo still functioning. All this was early 90s by the way, so not that long ago.