People, it’s Girl Scout Cookie Time.
Do you know what that means? It means that there are currently a lot of boxes of cookies in Jenworld, owing to the fact that we have a Junior Girl Scout in residence.
Now, lest you think that said Junior Girl Scout went door to door and sold hundreds of boxes of overpriced sugary cookies crapkies, think again.
What actually happened was that Elegant’s troop had a Girl Scout crapkie meeting and the troop leaders got the girls all excited about selling hundreds of boxes of crapkies. After the meeting, one would think that my resident Junior Girl Scout would be all fired up to go sell crapkies. Au contraire. She put the crapkie forms aside and forgot all about them.
The fact is, none of us here in Jenworld are enthusiastic sales people. We don’t thrive on moving product. In fact, we shy away from it. It’s possible that Pete and I could have trained the girls to sell with the best of them, but we both hate it so much that we’ve intentionally brainwashed the girls into thinking the way we do. Makes things so much easier if we all have low expectations.
And people, I cannot tell you how much I hate Girl Scout Crapkie Time. So much so that, when I was the leader of two different troops for two different years, neither of my troops sold crapkies the first year I was leader and I did my darndest to avoid it the second year. Alas, I failed.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
I would much rather write a check directly to the troop than sell boxes of cookies at $3.50 a pop, of which, the troop only earns $0.90 per box. In fact, I DID write a check to the troop last fall for that very reason. However, there’s just enough peer pressure among the girls that El feels like she needs to sell too.
However, what actually always happens is that Elegant will sell crapkies to only a few relatives — and I have to remind her repeatedly to call those people if she wants to make any sales — and since those few phone calls don’t make up a very large order, we here in Jenworld come up with a large-ass family order that makes it look like Elegant hustled a tiny little bit.
Thus, there are currently lots of boxes of Girl Scout crapkies in our pantry.
And this leads to the other major problem I have with Girl Scout crapkies. They are so horribly bad, yet also so sinfully good. They are hands down one of my worst food weaknesses even though I know how bad they are. If I’m going to sin, I should be sinning with homemade cookies or something gourmet from a local bakery, not some flavorless piece of sawdust that gets its taste from an excess of sugar. My taste buds are totally masochistic that way — they love the crapkies but also hate them. They feel both pleasure and shame in the eating experience. Really, it’s quite sick.
Let me share an example with you:
Several years ago, in early February, the old Jenworld had a major sewer issue. Suffice it to say, water and other substances were floating in part of our basement and the situation got worse with every flush of the toilet. This fecal crisis led to us quickly getting several bids from plumbers to replace the entire sewer line from the house to the street — a distance of some 100+ feet — and one lucky plumber then planning a Hawaiian vacation as a result of the monies we paid to him once this project was complete.
On the worst day of the Great Sewer Reconstruction Project — a day in which I had no running water or flushing toilets and was having to duck-waddle across the street to a neighbor’s house — the annual Girl Scout crapkies delivery came in. I took possession of a great many boxes, including far too many boxes of Caramel deLites (a.k.a. Samoas in some regions).
Caramel deLites are a problem for me. Putting me in the same room, no building, as a box of Caramel deLites is akin to giving a drug addict the keys to the evidence room. There is no way I am not going to eat them. No. Fucking. Way.
So on that fateful day when I had no 20th century plumbing, I opened a box of Caramel deLites and dove in. Deeply. All the way to the bottom. I ate an entire box in something like three hours. And felt supremely ill afterward, but then still ate more the next day. Because they were there. And really, that’s just all kinds of wrong.
This year, my personal rule for Girl Scout crapkies is not to eat them. Because one bite leads to many, as evidenced by the other evening when I opened a box of Caramel deLites for the girls. I had planned to eat zero crapkies and ended up eating more than zero.
[But less than an entire box -- I'm making progress!]
So I’m just going to stay away from the crapkies for as long as it takes for the girls and their friends to consume all that we have in the house.
In the meantime, Pete made tiramisu this weekend. Now THAT is something worth eating.
give.them.away so not worth eating.
Send the tiramisu this way!!
So with you on this one, Jen!! Thin mints and Caramel deLites are evil, I tell you.
As far as the peer pressure goes, the local boy scouts are obligated to sell at least $300 worth of ridiculously overpriced popcorn!
They charge an obscene $25 for a tiny tin of trail mix if you’re not a popcorn fan. I was so horrified last year, after I brought the form to work and my wonderful co-workers bought up a bunch of it, only to get the delivery of pint-sized tins of what should have been gold-plated trail mix, given the price tag.
Send the Tiramisu my way too!!! Lucky duck!
We have no GS therefore don’t need to buy the cookies as of late but best believe that when Lady Bug gets of age we’re hustling a mint to get that crap away from us.
My GS weakness – the PB brigade. Do si dohs and Taglongs = the devil.
Damn it. Now I want some Samoas and Tagalongs. I love using my front teeth to scrape all the peanut butter off the Tagalongs, then dunking the shortbread cookie in milk.
Ohhhhh, j’adore Samoas. They are the sole reason I wasn’t able to shed the baby weight when Kate was born. A box of those on my nightstand during midnight feedings ensured that those last 20 pounds were here to stay. But such a DELICIOUS 20 pounds.
Is it so wrong that I am eating girl scout cookies as I read this??
For the record, I hate cookie time too. Unfortunately for me, I ‘volunteered’ to be cookie mom a few years ago and now no one will take over. Bitches.
Mmmm Girl Scout Cookies… I’m addicted to thin mints, tagalongs and samoas. (And I’m a bitch that refuses to call them by the “new” names.) 6 boxes coming my way, which will all go in the freezer to slowly be doled out over the course of a year.
I’m pretty sure they put crack in the damn things to keep us eating them…
Thin Mints, baby!
I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooo glad we don’t have cookie sales in the UK. We do exactly what you said, write a cheque to the unit. We pay subs of £2 a week which covers all weekly meetings then we use the rest to subsidise our other trips and charge as little as possible to them. We asked the parents years ago if they would rather have a straight up cost or have fundraising and they unanimously picked straight up cost.
Thank God for Boy Scouts…who don’t sell anything in our town other than geraniums from a local greenhouse–but only until they become Boy Scouts! So what do you call those cub/tiger/webelos? Oh…UNDER Scouts.
I’m a big fan of the buy out/opt out policy in fundraising.
Girl Scout Crackies.
I actually feel bad that we’re selling them. Oh, and they’re $4 per box here.
Oh yes, Samoas – they’re evil I tell you!
I’ve got a solution for you. Take the boxes of what cookies you have left (preferably unopened) and drop a box each at each doorstep in the neignhorhood. Attach a note saying saying something like, “We love girl scout cookies, but we think you’d love them more. Here’s a free box on us and call if you want more.”
This works on many levels because:
1: You get rid of the crap you don’t want in your house
2: GS cookies have a shelf life to outlast a nuclear winter
3: El gets a little penmanship practice and exercise
4: There are no hard feelings if your neighbors don’t buy
5. El may get a few boxes sold and they don’t have to live under your roof.
Let me know how it works out.
Thanks to you, I just had to eat the last three tagalongs in the box in the kitchen.
Oh, I remember the GS cookie days. They went on forever! Altho now I can’t find anyone nearby who sells any and I miss them. Go figure.
Hang in there…
This is too funny!
I just ate an entire box of these at my desk at work the other day…
I kept opening and then closing the box …
I kept opening and then closing the box…
and then I decided..what the hell..just leave them open and eat them ALL! Get it over with..
only took me 30 minutes.
Hand over all the thin mints and nobody gets hurt.
I have already bought two boxes, but sent some home with the Sorority Girls on Valentine’s Day.
I’m a sucker for those cute little Brownies and Daisies out in front of the grocery store.
I share your weakness for Samoas. Also Thin Mints. And Tagalongs. And possibly Dulce De Leche (caramel cookies – I fear they will be addictive). And my niece is a Daisy Scout this year so she got me for a few boxes. I don’t even want to think about the treadmill time required to counteract the evil cookies. Because, make no mistake about it, they are evil.
I have 4 boxes in the cabinet in my office and am THANKING GAWD that I have offsite meetings all week!
I like to blame my kids (who are now adults) for me being so chubby – but Samoas are right up there in responsibility.
Hey Jen I forgot to tell you to stop by my blog on Thursday ‘cuz I’m giving you an award.
I love Girl Scout cookies! Probably because I never get them. No one’s kids at work sell them and I never see them outside the grocery store. So to me, they are really a treat. I love the Tagalongs and the peanut butter sammich cookies.
Mmmmmm.
I will buy cookies from any Girl Scout who actually walks up to my door, rings my bell, and asks me to buy a box. I might throw it in the trash to keep from eating it (hahahahahaha – yeah – like that’s ever happened) but I will buy it, even though I think it is nuts that the troop gets only 90 cents and sometimes, I just give the kid $5 instead and take no cookies.
I will not buy cookies from any parent who brings them to work, who posts info on FB, or who sends me an email.
Your kid is supposed to be selling them, not you.
And yes – I am against those kinds of fundraisers for any children’s projects. Honestly. Until they are in high school and raising money for a band or youth trip, why would we make kids do this sort of thing?
PS Brilliant idea I saw – The GS had set up a table at the airport and were selling cookies to send to the troops in Iraq. We bought two boxes.