The Miss America Pageant was last weekend (a week ago).
I didn’t even know that the pageant was scheduled. Didn’t it used to be in September?
Anywho, the winner was Miss Virginia. Can I hear a shoutout for my home state?
For those of you keeping count, that makes this the third winner from Virginia in the pageant’s history.
[Yes Texas and Mississippi, I hear you down there strutting and preening over your dozens of pageant winners. Shut it. Most states don't start training 'em up at birth.]
What’s much more important is the fact that Virginia is the home state of eight, count ‘em 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, EIGHT U.S. presidents.* Now that’s something to be proud of.
[* For those of you who don't have that information readily available in your brain cells: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, Zachary Taylor, and Woodrow Wilson.]
Anyway, getting back to the pageant, I’m sure this will just stun you, but I didn’t watch it. I don’t watch reality TV or any live programming at all, but surely I wanted to watch 50+ women wearing tranny makeup jiggle across the stage?
Um, hell to the N-O.
I used to watch the pageant religiously, but now avoid it if at all possible. And I really don’t want my girls to watch it until they’re old enough to understand that the show is a bad influence on impressionable young female minds.
I can hear you saying, “But Jen, the show is a scholarship contest and those women are out there doing good things for the less fortunate.”
And I say to you, trust me, the show makes young impressionable girls feel bad about themselves.
Want to know how I know?
I can distinctly remember watching the pageant one year when I was about 14 or 15. During the swimsuit competition, each contestant’s vital stats were flashed on the TV screen, including weight. Even though I weighed only 107 or thereabouts, I distinctly remember seeing those numbers and worrying that I weighed more than a couple of those malnourished females.
So yeah, bad influence.
But, here’s the thing, I have to be careful about what I say about pageants, otherwise someone who has known me for a real long time could call me out as a hypocrite.
Mmm hmmm, that’s right people, I have a pageant in my past. My very distant past.
Now, my original plan when I first started writing this post a week ago was that I was going to dig out some old photos, scan them, and then write a lengthy post about it. Only, I have since achieved none of these things, due mostly to the fact that I’ve spent an incredible amount of time stockpiling food and supplies for our Long-Ass Winter and then shoveling snow, to be followed by resting up from my exertions, only to have to repeat the entire process over and over again, as it almost never stops snowing here in Virginia. It’s possible that it might be weeks or months before I can stop inventorying toilet paper and wondering if I have enough to get through the next nor’easter.
I am going to tell you that I was never Miss Roanoke or Miss Virginia, that the pageant that I was in was much lower down the totem pole. I will also state quite clearly for the record that there was no swimsuit contest. But I did wear tranny makeup, so there’s that.
On the off chance that I 1) dig up the old photos and 2) actually scan them, would any of you be interested in me humiliating myself in such a manner?
Does a bear [content removed] in the woods?
Is the Pope a Catholic.
Oh yes we would be interested.
BTW, I don’t think K is even aware Miss UK exists. Possibly Miss World. Though I do happen to know Miss UK (an athlete) had to give up her crown after a nightclub brawl or something like that and that the new Miss UK is a serving soldier.
Were you Miss UVA?
I watched Miss America for the first time in many years and I was pleasantly surprised. A lot of the woman didn’t look fake, they looked really fit.
I wanted to see how far Miss Florida would get. She was from UCF.
Miss Virginia was one of my top 5 favorites.
I promise not to laugh at your pageant pics. Later this year, I’ll be posting my 1975 Prom pic.
It would be like an early birthday present!
I would love to see those pictures.
I think you know the answer to this.
AWESOME. Please post ASAP.
Really? You have to ask? You know all the answers are going to say hell to the Y.E.S. : )
I’ve seen those pics! Let’s just say that you can tell what decade they’re from just by looking at the size of the hair.
NO WAY! HELL to the YES!
OK, 8 US presidents from VA, very nice. But, um, the last one left office in 1921 and the ones before that were elected when there were hardly any voters west of Virginia. Meanwhile, the current president is from Illinois. Holla!!
Post. the. pictures. Isn’t that why we are all here?
Hell, yes.
I’d love to see a photo from you from the past! Oh, and don’t get me started on those pageants for 2 year olds!!!!!
Really? You have to ask? The snow will be there later. Get to searchin, sister.
Well, we never had a Miss anything in our neck of the woods. If we had it would’ve been Miss Corn Stalk or Miss Amish Buggy. But growing up in the 60s meant Miss America was Must-see TV. And I recall a lot of us making fun of it at the time while secretly wishing we could measure up. It’s such an anachronism now, it surprises me that it’s still going… Would love to see photos—we all have incriminating pics from the past.
I think that might be the biggest skeleton you’ve released thus far. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say…
“Hell, yeah we wanna see the pictures!’
Well, Duh!
Oh yeah, I wanna see pictures
I am going to say no please don’t post your photo. But if you must.
As for the Tranny makeup – I find it hilarious how much cake makeup, women put on for various events like pageants or performances – At least a pound.
Of course we’d want to see.
I’ve made pageant jewelry, and I do NOT enjoy it. No. Not. And that’s all I have to say about that.
Off the subject. My $%& employer has BLOCKED your site!! Now I have to read you at home.
You must be subversive, indeed.
Jenny
Jennifer Krieger, I hope it wasn’t my fault! I actually wrote “[content removed]” in my comment, Jen didn’t have to remove it!
OMG – 1,000 yes!