In case you haven’t seen it on newsstands yet, The Martha has released her annual publication of Christmas ideas.
And, as I griped a couple months ago, I once again cannot find any mention of said magazine on The Martha’s website, including helpful photos. So here’s the crappy photo of it that I took yesterday:
On the day I bought this magazine, I brought it home and then settled down for some serious, time-consuming research. I was planning to have a lot to say to y’all about what The Martha thinks we should be doing to prepare for the holidays this year. I even had a pen at the ready in case I needed to take notes. I turned page after page containing The Martha’s holiday suggestions. I read carefully. And then suddenly I was at the end of the magazine and I hadn’t taken any notes. None.
Why?
Because this year’s magazine was boring. Nothing stood out as either being worthy of actually baking/crafting/hot gluing and virtually nothing was worthy of my snark. It was almost as if The Martha took a safe middle ground.
I thought that perhaps I was simply not in the right frame of mind to truly discuss The Martha, so I waited a few days.
I went through the magazine again and was utterly bored.
*yawn*
I tried, people, I really tried. But I could find nothing of interest.
Okay, that’s not entirely true. There are a few tidbits I have to share:
- There’s an article in which The Martha shares photos of all the different fake trees in her house. I’m not kidding. There’s a vintage aluminum tree and a vintage feather tree and a sort-of vintage fake tree. Yes, it’s true. The Martha has fake trees (or so she says; I’m not 100% convinced) in various rooms of her house. Frankly, I was expecting her to talk about having an organic Christmas tree farm on her property and how she waters the trees with baby unicorn tears. I was not expecting her to show us some trees that look like they came from Walmart.
- For some reason, The Martha is big on odd color combinations this year — red and Tiffany blue, peach and Tiffany blue, silver and an institutional medium green from the 80′s. Yuck. I’m not saying that everyone should go with the traditional red and green, but The Martha should at least choose colors that don’t either make my eyes hurt or depress me.
- The entire magazine is an unbelievable ad rag. Figuring out what was actual content and what was an advertisement was a constant impediment and didn’t encourage me to want to keep going.
But maybe it’s me. Perhaps — even though all my shopping is done, my gifts are wrapped, and I’m chomping at the bit to start wrapping colored lights on my front porch — I’m just not in the proper holiday spirit quite yet.
Nah. I think it’s just that The Martha toned things back a bit this year.
*yawn*
A feather tree? Could you take a picture of the picture of that? Heh.
I think Martha’s on to you. There’s probably some poor lowly staffer that’s been assigned to read your blog and report back any whiff of Martha Bashing.
The baby unicorn tears remark seemed to be classic jenworld snark and,if they came in holiday colors,quite festive as well!
I’m glad I passed on buying that magazine this year! And while we will always have a real tree, if I ever come across a vintage silver tinsel one somewhere I’ll have that too – my grandparents always had one, and as a kid I loved it. I’d still love it.
Maybe she got the trees at Kmart — she gives them some of her bath towels and bedding to sell, they give her a couple trees.
Blech. At the very least, I expect The Martha to supply me with something to make fun of. However, the thought of a peach-and-institutional-green Christmas does make me slightly nauseous.
I think you deserve your money back. Oh well. At least I thank you very much for saving me the $5.95 or whatever the newsstand price is these days.
“she waters the trees with baby unicorn tears.” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! Now, that is the way to start the day!
Tiffany blue – isn’t that one of Martha’s signature colors? All the color combos sound really unpleasant and not at all Christmas-y.
Have you checked out most of the ornament selections this year? They’re all those nasty colors. I’m more of a silver and red girl myself and finding anything decent this year (if we add a second tree) is nearly impossible.
I had a teacher in H.S. that had 4 trees in her house – each a different color scheme. Including 3 fakes and 1 real. The fakes were white, silver, and the old standard green. I always thought that was so awesome. Now I wonder where you’d store all that stuff for the other 11 months of the year.
Peach is not a Christmas color. The end.
Come on! The word “Living” on the cover bedazzled in red glitter glue?!
Glitter glue?!!!
It’s quite possible you have out-Marthad Martha.
I’m still laughing over “unicorn tears”!!!!!!
Having recently met Ms. Martha at a recent book event – can I say that woman has scared me beyond belief and I don’t think I’ll be picking up this magazine (or any future ones of hers)… yikes!
So, (said the clueless Scot), who is this Martha Stewart person?
Do you drink? Do you have a snarky friend? I think you should open a bottle of wine, invite a snarky friend over and get to it – I’m sure there’s *something* we can all laugh at.
If nothing else, she looks dramatically wrinkle free on the cover!
I’m with Frannie. You done been found out!
Zack still has major love for the white tree he picked out when he was three, and I know you hate artificial trees, but we’re putting it up this weekend. If we even tried for a real tree, the one cat would eat the needles and we’d have a dead or very sick cat (again).
I’m guessing Martha is waay too busy squabbling with Rachel Ray and Sarah Palin
and just can’t be bothered with Christmas this year, *gasp*
I really have no use for Martha…it does sound like a boring magazine. Too bad, I love your snark
The Martha loves glitter at Christmas.
*shiver*