Pete discovered a deer in our backyard this weekend. Not the first time, but this one was rather brazen in the way it strutted its furry ass across MY yard.
Do you remember how much I hate deer? Far more than how much I utterly loathe squirrels. (Parts one, two, three, and four to that saga.) At least squirrels leave my daylilies alone.
When Pete pointed out the big fluffy-tailed unwelcome guest in the back yard, I went outside and yelled at it. No movement. It went on eating my grass. Aren’t deer supposed to be skittish and timid?
I yelled more. Nothing, except to move on to a fresh patch of grass. Really, it should be afraid of me, the big angry human with potential access to guns.
(No, not really. But the deer doesn’t know that.)
Then I yelled, in my southwestern Virginia accent that normally isn’t too heavy, but comes out in full force for special occasions such as this:
“Go on! Shoo! Git outta here!”
Then I said:
“I’m comin’ after you.”
(Pete said this one was pronounced with an especially hicky accent.)
(Hey, at least I didn’t say “I’m fixin’ ta come after yew.”)
(Small mercies, people.)
The deer wandered off to find a less yell-y buffet. And probably because it saw the crazy in my eyes.
If I find hoof prints around my tomato plants, I’m going to have to get some explosives. There’s no way I’m sharing my Romas and Brandywine and Yellow Pear tomatoes with any non-human creatures. Frankly, I might not share nicely with very many humans.
In the meantime, Pete has been giving me major shit for the way I was yelling at a deer just like I’m some sort of trailer park mama on “Cops.”
Maybe I really should electrify the fence.
Hey, at least the deer didn’t bring its own chalk.
Simple – move to UK, hardly any deer.
Ha ha — just imagining what the deer would write “hunterz suck”
So funny — can’t believe that deer just stood there. I think it’s gotten too used to humans. Time to get a dog!
Two words: tennis balls. I keep some by the back door in the winter to throw at the deer that regard my cedar hedges as a buffet. They don’t hurt, even if I defy the odds and actually hit one, but chucking a few in their direction usually convince the deer to move along.
My daughters think it’s mean to deny them a meal, but it’s not like we don’t live at the edge of a large forested ridge with lots of wild, unhedged cedar available for deer fodder. I think they do it to piss me off.
I’m feeling your pain. We have a groundhog that has taken up residence under the woodshed and is currently Suspect #1 in The Case of the Nibbled Cucumber seedlings.
My mother-in-law electricfied her garden after she got up one more to nothing but stubs of lettuce. This was with a 4 ft fence – somehow the deer managed to get past the gate as well.
They’re smart little buggers.
Seriously? (This is a little woo-woo, but it works!)
Extend your arms so you look like a big old bird and run towards them. Shriek something menacing. Ours usually bound away.
The problem is when they get a taste of your good garden stuff….and then they come back.
Oh, yeah.
We have got to get the fence up around the back garden. I think the front one is fairly safe, but the back has all my nice leafy stuff.
I can’t believe they haven’t mowed down your garden if they’re getting in to the backyard. You must have some dumb deer. : )
I’ll be putting up a minimum 6′ high fence in an effort to keep the mangy beasts out of mine. *sigh* I noticed yesterday my lilies are looking a little short. Sure enough, they munched ‘em. Time to find the deer spray.
And the 2 year old commented this weekend “I don’t like deer – they poop too much.” Not sure where he picked that up, but I could not agree more!
Oh man, when you get an electric fence and start sitting up nights waiting with your crossbow, I will HAVE TO send you some chewing tobacco.
I’ve had deer in my yard…
http://smalltownmom.blogspot.com/2008/02/deer-at-school.html
…but I don’t try to grow anything edible back there!
My father in law uses an air rifle to get the rez dogs off his land. Maybe you should consider it.
I haven’t had one blueberry from my blueberry bushes since I planted them over 8 years ago. The same goes for the strawberries. They’re all eaten by the local wildlife and it drives me crazy!
My sister built an eight foot fence around their crops because the deer JUMPED the six foot fence.
Get attack cats:
http://class-factotum.blogspot.com/2009/05/kill-rabbit-part-2.html
Two words: Coyote Urine.
Course, if he has no fear of people…he’d probably look forward to kicking coyote butt.
I’m with the commenter who suggested tennis balls. Deer are large, I don’t really like them either, but understand the whole share the earth thing.
Don’t always love it though! (sorry to double dip in the comments!)