For a variety of reasons that I’m not going to get into right now, Graceful was not breastfed.
Unfortunately, all the parenting books I was reading skewed toward breastfeeding and not bottlefeeding. And, all of my friends breastfed too.
So it turns out that, when my child came into the world, I was lacking some really important information about one particular matter.
The baby was born on a Tuesday and we brought her home the next day. By that point, I was already sleep deprived, having not slept during labor on Monday night and then not at all on Tuesday or Tuesday night due to the World’s Worst Hospital Roommate.
Our first night home, Wednesday, I was too keyed up to sleep. So I didn’t. Maybe an hour or two.
On Thursday night, it was more of the same. I just couldn’t go to sleep.
By Friday night, I was a mess, having slept only a couple of hours each night since Sunday.
On Saturday morning, I woke up and discovered that my milk had come in — in fact, it was rather difficult not to notice the large puddle in our bed. I was not at all prepared for this new development and therefore, I had none of these:
Yes, that’s right. No one had told me that, breastfeeding or not, my milk would come in regardless and that it would be a LOT and that it would be MESSY.
What was I going to do? I couldn’t go through the day leaking and spraying and squirting milk like an out of control cow. Somehow, in my addled sleep-deprived state, I came up with what I thought was an ingenious solution:
I cut one in half, put a piece on each side and went about my day.
It was only that night that I realized where I had gone wrong.
I put them in backwards. As in, the sticky side was attached to ME.
Removing them was not exactly fun. Actually, it sucked more than I would have thought possible.
Since then, whenever I talk to an expectant first-time mother, I always share one piece of advice: Buy nursing pads, even if you think you won’t need them.