I’m starting a new weekly feature called Chocomania. As you can imagine, I will be discussing my favorite chocolates and snarking the stuff that tastes like crap, as well as trying new stuff. It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it. I’m pretty sure Graceful and Elegant will be in on the action too.
This week, we’re going to start with the basics.
In the beginning, there was Mars Incorporated.
Mars Inc. looked upon the land and said, “Let there be candy.” And there was candy. And it was good.
The candy needed a name, so Mars Inc. called it M&Ms.
Mars Inc. saw that the candy was good and divided it into two kinds. Plain and peanut. And those were the first M&Ms.
And Mars Inc. said, let there be other kinds of M&Ms.
Mars Inc. created almond M&Ms and they were good.
Mars Inc. created peanut butter M&Ms and they too were good.
Mars Inc. created crispy M&Ms. Those were good, but Mars Inc. is not always a kind and loving corporation and decided to smite the people by removing the crispy M&Ms from their sight.
Mars Inc. created many other kinds of M&Ms.
There were mega and mini M&Ms, which were definitely quite good.
There were dark chocolate, white chocolate, raspberry, orange, and mint M&Ms. None of those were good. Verily, they tasted like the dung of an ass. Or perhaps the dung of a sheep. It mattereth not what kind of dung that it was, only that it was dung.
Woe unto those who do not like candy that tasteth like dung for upon you will be released even more of that very candy as a punishment for your sins.
And then the heavens parted and a rainbow appeareth. At the end of that rainbow was cherry M&Ms.
Again, Mars Inc. smote the people and tooketh the cherry M&Ms away, only to be found on rare occasions or possibly on eBay.
Many people of many ages in many nations have consumeth M&Ms. It is a candy of great age (since 1941) and offers comfort to many people in times of joy or sorrow or PMS.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of stress, I fear no starvation. The M&Ms, they comfort me.
(Oops. Slipped some Psalms in with that Genesis.)
(See Mom, that Baptist upbringing is coming in handy!)
Anyway, I believe I have made my point. Pretty much everyone has eaten M&Ms at least once in their lives — they are the basic chocolate. Readily available in most stores everywhere, they are excellent for snacking, stress eating, bribing small children on airplanes, and more.
But, they are not gourmet chocolate, nor will they ever be. Next week, I will talk about a chocolate that is meant to be savored and enjoyed, not inhaled by the handful.
If you know of a chocolate I should review, let me know and I’ll give it a try.
Blimey. We have 2 types of M&Ms – normal and peanut, and that’s it. Every now and then, tiny M&Ms will appear, but that is it. What a culturally deprived country I live in…oh wait, we have CADBURYS! Bwahahahahahaha!
Here in Australia we have the plain and peanut, the crispy and the mint. The peanut ones are available in small “single serve” bags, but I think they’re an import as they are only in a few spots. I think we also have a bag of “mixed”, which is plain, peanut and crispy in one bag.
M&Ms are, literally, an essential food group with the Hermit. It’s scary.
If you’d like I’ll send you some Aussie chocolate to review. And some crispy M&Ms.
M&Ms are OK, I guess. We prefer Smarties. Same idea, but better tasting. Do you have those? If not, will bring some down this summer (along with Kinder eggs of course).
Only Smarties have the answer! (Please tell me you had that advert in Canada too and don’t just think I am mad?)
Do you have Trader Joes? Try their dark chocolate almonds with sea salt and turbinado sugar. I’m so addicted. I’ll mail you some if you don’t have a TJs nearby.
I *love* your idea, Jen! Who doesn’t love chocolate??
When I was pregnant with Smiles, my husband thought he might come out with a pastel sugar coating and smooth chocolate insides, as I practically lived on Cadbury Mini-Eggs. Oh, and look, they’re in every store right now–you’ve inspired me!
Ooh, I like this post!
When I was pregnant with my son, I had to have M&Ms every afternoon. My poor husband had to stop at the gas station on his way home from work every day. You think we would have been smart enough just to keep some in the house.
This time of year I LOVE Cadbury Cream Eggs. Mmmm….
I love you Jen. My husband has put a nix into refined sugar (there M&Ms must consumed on the sly). My mother told me that peanut M&Ms had to be revered because of their delicious taste. I have to agree and yes we were totally screwed with Crispy M&Ms – WHAT HAPPENED? They were awesome!
Well, I’m sure you will, as you live in the ‘ville, but since I don’t get to eat them much anymore, a review of Gearharts would be lovely
Oh the crispy M&Ms! I miss those. And remember when light brown (or tan?) was an M&M color, replaced by blue. Sad.
You should review the Cadbury Flake bar. Oh my. I know you must have had it in England. So good!
I don’t think you should taunt us with cherry M&M’s unless you are willing to share.
If you send me your addy I will send you some yummy chocolate. For research purposes.
Do you need any long distance tasters?
You thusly impress me with your vast knowledge of Mars and chocolate and preferred flavors thereof.
Have you tried the Dagoba bars? I didn’t expect the blueberry one to be so good. It was delicious.
I miss my crispy M&Ms!!
Tragically, in our house, my eldest was diagnosed with a peanut allergy last year. Loosely translated, that means: No More M&Ms for Us Ever. Every last package comes branded with a peanut warning.
*Gasp!* Blaspheme! The dark chocolate M&M’s are by far the best. I think the regular M&Ms taste like dung, but then I loathe all things milk chocolate (except *hot* chocolate – made with real milk and dark coco powder.)… The dark melt much more smoothly in your mouth (not in your hands) as well.
You should get some Frangos to review for.sure. I’m hoping to travel back to Chi-town this spring. I’ll pick some up for you.
Oh. Peanut Crack&Ms. My favorite candy in the whole world.
I like the dark chocolate ones. They last longer because I don’t eat the entire one pound bag in two days.
This is certainly going to be a popular “sermon” series, Jen!
The M&M versus Smarties debate really comes down to nature over nuture. I don’t think it’s possible to ‘convert’ a person from M&M’s to Smarties or visa versa… a person can only truly love the one they were given to eat as a child.
Years ago (20? 30?) I saw an article about the first M&Ms sent to Russia. Imagine, the late 20th century and THEY HAD NEVER HAD M&Ms! It boggled my mind then, and it still does.
M&Ms are a fine food.
Mmmmm, peanut butter M&Ms – so good!
don’t even get me obsessing about those crispy m&ms!
you need to try see’s candies chocolates, you will never have chocolate as delicious as theirs…ever!
If you ever need any extra “testers” let me know, I’m always willing to taste and offer my opinion. I also think this is a fabulous idea and will result in much free chocolate being sent your way just as Little Debbie did with the snack products.
Do you like the concept of the personalized M&Ms? They taste the same, but the idea serves a different market.
Rachel had a birthday party yesterday evening (5:30 to 7:30) in Ottawa, so instead of making the trip in from Carp twice in 2 hours, Leah and I dropped her off and then went to the Newport for dinner and walked around Westboro for the rest of the time. We found a shop called The Candy Store, and found that you can get English candy there!!!! We bought Cadbury Flake bars, and they had Penguin bars, which I haven’t seen since I was a kid at my grandmother’s house in Scotland. and which the counter girl taught me a cool way to eat them, and they even had Jelly Tots.
Happily (or sadly, if you’re talking about my waistline) we’ll be going back soon.
and so endeth the lesson!
Bless you…for being so witty!
I don’t like cheap choccies…so I don’t eat too much!
My favourites are a little chocolate company in Purbeck (south coast) called Chococo…I’m in their chocolate club!!!!
H
X
Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut is divine, even though it’s milk and I usually go for dark more. My personal faves are champagne truffles from
Teuscher’s–I would probably do almost anything for a few of them!
I’d love to see the research on this one…just so I know where to head down the road.
Hey, give me plain, not peanut M&Ms any day.
Smarties are OK but taste vaguely perfumed. Dark chocolate is an over-rated commodity, only truly delicious when combined with another flavor, like vanilla or caramel.
(Thus speaks the woman whose college tuition was paid for with chocolate. I’ve got me some serious chocolate chops. At one point we had hundred-pound drums of M&Ms in the pantry, ready for me to grab and eat by the bowlful.)
Extra flavors, different sizes, and custom designs are OK, as long as you don’t mess with the classics.
Like what’s with all the Hershey’s Kiss varieties? You need to do an investigative report into them.
Waaaah! I’m allergic to this post!
Except for See’s Candies white chocolate key lime pie candies
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