Toys that Santa will NOT be bringing this year
Monday, November 17, 2008
As you can imagine, there are some people here in Jenworld who are paying close attention to the fact that Christmas is NEXTMONTHCANYYOUBELIEVEITI’MSOEXCITEDWHATWILLSANTABRINGUS.
(That’s “… next month. Can you believe it!? I’m so excited! What will Santa bring us?”)
I know, it makes my head hurt sometimes too.
There is this expectation that the dude in the red suit and eight reindeer is going to drop by Jenworld and leave some stuff for a certain 10 year old and a certain 8 year old. Given that he has come through every single year of the children’s lives, it’s safe to assume that he’ll be paying a visit again this year.
On a related note, Graceful is completely in the know about Santa and has been for more than two years. She plays it cool and puts up a good show of believing, which scares the crap out of me when I think about how well she could potentially lie to us when she’s a teenager.
As for Elegant, well, we’re not so sure what she knows or doesn’t know. Back at Easter, we had this conversation:
Graceful, “I’m so excited that the Easter Bunny brought [name of candy]. I wonder how he knew it’s my favorite?”
Elegant, “Probably ’cause it’s our parents.”
Oh my, aren’t we the savvy little girl?
But, she hasn’t said anything beyond that or asked any questions.
I’ve been expecting the girls’ wish lists to start appearing on the front of the fridge like zits on a 14 year old boy after a pizza binge, but so far we’ve only seen their American Girl lists. They recently went to a nearby toy store to blow some of their allowance money and brought home the Playmobil catalog as a sort-of wish list, but they each only want one thing. (Graceful asked for this and Elegant wants this. Basically, more iterations of dollhouses.)
Since we don’t watch network TV, the girls don’t see toy ads. We also don’t get a lot of craptastic toy catalogs in the mail and, the few that we do, are immediately tossed in the recycling bin. (Way down deep under the empty pizza boxes.)
Therefore, figuring out what toys the girls might want takes some research on my part. I started a few weeks ago and, while I haven’t found anything that thrills me, I have found plenty of things that the girls WON’T be getting this year. Or ever.
- Monster Factory — Is it me or do these look like internal organs? Besides, we already have Ugly Dolls, which are cuter and less pancreas-like.
- My Twinn – The girls have been fascinated by My Twinn dolls for years, whereas I’m simply creeped out. I don’t want mini replicas of my kids. I just know I’d come around the corner late one evening, see one of the dolls and possibly wet myself from the fright.
- Lego Millennium Falcon — People, this is $500 worth of Legos that would be built by Pete, not the girls, and then they’d probably kick out Han Solo and Chewbacca and move in a posse of fairies.
- Food Chain Friends — Nothing says Christmas like stuffed animals eating each other. We’ll pass.
- Custom Couture Fashion Design Kit – Even though I know Elegant would probably barter some of her Webkinz for this kit, at $900 I am giving it a pass. If she really feels the need to dress herself like a pre-teen Miss America, we’ll go to the craft store and spend about $10 on netting, silks, and velvets. Nor will she be getting the Radio City Rockettes Costume, even though it is “only” $50. I prefer outfits that cover my child’s derriere, even if it is just for pretend play.
- Pink Battery Powered Mini Cooper — I’m not sure how Graceful would fit her legs in this, but at $280 I’m not going to even try to figure it out. The girls can pimp out their bikes with ribbons and sparkly stuff if they feel the need to be a bit fancier. Ditto the Orange County Chopper.
Yep, there’s a lot of ridiculous crappola out there, but something tells me I haven’t seen the worst of it. What about you, my friends? What’s the worst toy you’ve seen?
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized. .
1.
Guider | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 9:24 am
Food Chain Friends is freakin fantastic woman! Best toy EVER! Just look at them!!!!!!!
2.
alison | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 9:27 am
I’m with you on the no network TV for the kids, so their Christmas list is still heavy on the stuffed animals, though Leah does want a Nintendo DS, which she has played with at her friend Alice’s place. Normally this would be way outside the budget, but Grampa sent a bunch of money for Christmas presents, and it’s doable. I’m just trying to figure out if it’s a good idea.
3.
alison | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 9:29 am
Oh, and the worst ever present, where do I begin? Could it be the neon-coloured silly putty just aching to be ground into the carpeting? Or, no, I know. The girls’ father’s girlfriend’s relative bought them a Dora projection thingie that would beam pictures on a wall and took 10 C sized batteries. TEN. It never came out of the box, but was given back as a toy to play with at their house.
4.
Kirstin | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 10:43 am
I think I had something like what Graceful is asking for!
5.
Kristin | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 11:15 am
I wonder if I can squeeze my fat ass into the pink mini cooper…
6.
barbra | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 11:27 am
Ugh, that My Twinn catalog! CREEPS ME OUT. The latest one was discovered by my Middle Girl before I saw it, so it actually was around here for a few hours. **Shudder**
7.
Heather G. | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 11:35 am
My son has wanted the Millenium Falcon for eight years. At five hundred bucks, he’ll just have to keep waiting. Poor guy.
8.
The Guider | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 12:32 pm
What about this? I just saw the advert on TV and thought of your post!
http://www.toysrus.co.uk/Toys-R-Us/Toys/Dolls/Fashion-Dolls-and-Accessories/High-School-Musical-East-High-School(0020329)
East High School from HSM3 – £150!!!!
9.
kate | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Play Mobil stuff I heard is a royal pain to put together.
I can not find the posting that Liz at Motherhood is not for wimps did.
I can not stand those Bratz Dolls. They are disturbing with their giant heads and the clothes they wear don’t even get me started. They look like Barbie did drugs while she was pregnant with them.
10.
green girl | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Agreed on those icky twinn dolls. My youngest sister had one and my folks took Christmas photos of them together for YEARS. EW.
Frankly, many girl toys offend me. So do cheaply made Hot Wheels tracks (no more! we’re done!) and I’m not sure I’ll get my sons the coveted air hogs.
11.
stacie | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 2:55 pm
My son wants the remote control D-Rex Dinosaur. It’s $350.00!!! Sorry son but this little guy is already extinct in my world. It doesn’t even look like a real T-rex.
Oh and I have made it my mission that my daughter NEVER find out about those damn Twinn dolls…can we say Chuckie in a dress?
12.
badness jones | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 3:08 pm
There are so many crappy toys! The Princess wanted a god-awful piece of Strawberry Shortcake plastic, and the only place I could find it was Amazon, for like $80. No thank-you!
13.
Michele P | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Kate, you read my mind (but your mind is funnier than mine) re: the Bratz dolls. I have boys so don’t need to deal, but wtf?? Who would buy those mini-prostitutes for their girls?
My 12 year old wants a bb gun. Um, NO.
14.
Raydenfyre | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Ditto to the Bratz dolls….they teach children to act like whorey snots and FYI kids! I work for a wal-mart therefore heard through are marketing staff a few years ago that they are a SWEATSHOP made line! My next top worst? Guns with realistic movements…Nerf Belt Fed machine guns anyone?
15.
Jaina | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Umm, can I sign up for those Playmobil Dollhouses??? Pretty please? They look so cool!
And I think I saw it already listed…but the Bratz dolls. They’re basically hooker dolls for little girls.
16.
blackbird | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 7:07 pm
I have to say, you know what is EXCELLENT?
Having grown boys who ask for musical instrument supplies or computer programs – and understand the budgetary constraints.
17.
hotfessional | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Yes to blackbird’s comment.
However, back in the day – the worst present was the one that made noise.
18.
MomBabe | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 8:03 pm
LOL. Just watch this video and guess why I’m laughing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76B4hG_wLJs
P.S. yes, this is the worst toy ever.
19.
Lori Anderson | Monday, November 17, 2008 at 8:32 pm
“People, this is $500 worth of Legos that would be built by Pete, not the girls, and then they’d probably kick out Han Solo and Chewbacca and move in a posse of fairies.”
Maybe it’s my pain meds, but this made me howl with laughter that went on for a LONG time. I’ve still got hiccups!
20.
alex | Tuesday, November 18, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I love that you mentioned the Millennium Falcon. My husband and I were perusing a toy catalog and discussing if there was anything we wanted for Christmas. I saw the MF and said I wanted that. haha!
21.
Janet | Tuesday, November 18, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Worst Christmas present ever: the cactus that my ex-MIL gave to my 2-year old daughter.