In recent months, I have read blog posts that have discussed whether or not it’s appropriate to blog about one’s kids, whether or not to use their real names, and whether or not to post photos. Concerns cited include the children’s safety and their privacy. Everyone has their own set of boundaries of what they will or will not write about.
Obviously, I have no qualms about writing about my girls here and we all know I post photos. I don’t use their real names and have pseudonyms instead. Of course, those nicknames are based on the girls’ real names, plus I’ve slipped on a number of occasions and used the girls’ real names, so it’s really not difficult to figure out what I usually holler out in anger around here. (And can I just mention how much Elegant hates it when I call her by her full name and not by one of her many nicknames — including El, Elz, and so many other variations on the theme?) As the girls get older, I’ll have to make decisions on how much to talk about them (or not), but for now, I have no concerns about what I’m doing.
So, what are my personal boundaries for this blog? What things will I not discuss? Here’s my current list:
- I never mentioned our town by name. It wouldn’t take much to figure out where we live, but I’m not going to spell it out here.
- I have never mentioned our last name here. We are the only people with our last name for at least seven counties, so finding us in the phone book would be pretty easy. I like emailing with y’all, but that doesn’t mean I want to talk on the phone with you. Don’t take it personally; I’ve been known to let the answering machine pick up for family and friends. (But never YOU, Mom!)
- I’m not going to discuss my sex life here. That’s just personal. Besides, my brother reads this blog and we’d like to be able to face each other without remembering that I once described hot monkey sex here. Michael, you’re welcome.
- I will never ever harsh on Pete here. That’s just not appropriate. It’s one thing to tease him a little, but it’s another thing entirely to list his shortcomings (if he were to have any, which he of course does not) or his secrets (he’s actually a spy in the guise of computer guru) for the world to see and dissect. I don’t like reading other bloggers’ frequent criticisms of their spouses, and I imagine you do not either.
- Nor would I ever discuss any marital arguments or problems here, if they were to exist, which they of course do not. My reason for this is listed above.
- There are some relatives in our families with whom I have some personal issues that I will likely never discuss here even though the people in question do not know this blog exists. It’s possible one day my cover will be blown and I’d like to not quake in fear about what I might have said about my third cousin twice removed.
I think that just about covers it. Pretty much everything else is fair game here.
What about all of y’all? What do you not discuss on your own blogs?
Well, you know my kids are Kwan and Cheeky rather than their real names.
And like you, I don’t post to whinge about my spouse. I base this on this experience: when I was away doing my postgrad, I had a good moan on the phone to my mum about my then boyf. Didn’t discuss him again with her for a month or so by which point my mum thought I was annoyed with him all that time and really it was all resolved within 48 hours. So following that, it’s not fair to put something out there that you are feeling temporarily.
I was going to keep my blog just Guiding. But I loved reading yours and several others so much that I widened it.
PS: Loved the pics of The Boy and the lovely new haircut (you AND E)
I don’t talk about sex, and I try to only mention the in-laws in passing. (My sisters-in-law read the blog, which isn’t necessarily bad, just could be uncomfortable) My kids aren’t pseudonym-ed – I started out with their real names, went back and changed them, and then it felt fake and awkward and too much mah presiousss (They were both pretty young) to continue. So, surprise! My kids ARE Rosey and Cass. I hope someday they’ll be proud to read my blog and the stories about them.
Beyond that, my last name is different than the kids and B (I’m hyphenated) but I don’t really talk about that either. I’m easily recognizable in our tiny town (that I don’t reveal the name of) and I could be found – but why on earth would anyone want to?
Cass’s face is almost done settling into who he’ll be as he grows up, so I’m tapering off the pictures I take of him, and I’ll dop the same for Rosemary.
I don’t have a blog, so I can’t comment on what I’d reveal, although I’m pretty paranoid so I doubt I’d write anything about my kids. However, I do want to let you know that you have revealed your last name through at least one clue (I won’t be specific so everyone won’t find it). I can verify it because we live in the same town… but I am NOT a stalker!
I don’t blog about my ex. I don’t blog about why my marriage ended. Fixating on him would defeat the purpose of the blog, which is about me, and the girls, and our lives in our new family arrangement.
I do post pictures of the girls and identify them by their first names. I will stop doing that when/if they ask me to. I don’t publish their or my last name. I’ve identified where I live, so it would be pretty easy to know who I am if you live there.
I don’t blog about sex. But then that might just be because I’d have to actually be *having* sex to blog about it.
Ditto to your rules. I don’t write anything I wouldn’t want my mother-in-law to read!
Given the title of my blog, you can guess I don’t live in Scanectedy, NY. I pseudonym pretty much everyone that isn’t a publicly-known figure. I often link to Homer’s blog, who uses our family name as part of the title of his blog. It’s not hard to figure out who I am and being that my paycheck comes from a job in PR, I live with the fact that everything is essentially open domain once I put it up there. That’s why I’m pretty careful about what I say and how I critique others. That said, anyone who knows me knows that I’m full of opinions, so I’m yet to shock anyone too mortally.
I think it’s pretty easy to see my guidelines – they are pretty close to yours.
And though they are pretty well protected, privacy-wise, my kids have recently gone through a new phase of asking that things not end up on my blog.
I so appreciate that you come here each day with a positive attitude. I tire easily of people who moan about their spouses or their health or in-laws and have found that keeping an upbeat mood on my blog aids in maintaining the same in my real life.
I once hurt my husband deeply by using LJ as a ranting/venting place for him. I will not do that again. I’ve deleted all harsh posts from LJ, and refuse to do more than gentle teasing on rare occassion on my blog. He gave me “full disclosure” verbally, but I will not harm him or our relationship like that again.
Other than that, I’ve taken to using just initials for the kids, but realize that it can get very confusing, so I’m working on using pseudonyms. Asked hubs what he wanted me to use for him, and he told me he’d “think about it”. I have substitute names for the boy and my middle by using names I’d considered for them…but K’s name was my first attempt. I’m still thinking on her
My boundaries are close to yours-my kids read my blog daily, so I have to run anything about them by them. As a teacher, I don’t feel comfortable writing about students because I feel it is a violation of their privacy.
My boundaries change – they expand and contract. If someone were to go back and re-read all of my archives, they could probably find out some things. I don’t use any of our real names. I don’t use our last name. I talk about living in Ann Arbor, but I don’t actually live IN Ann Arbor, so… there’s that. I don’t mention my employer by name, (because, um, Dooce), and I don’t write anything about my family that I wouldn’t say to their face, even those the only one who knows where this blog sits is Mr. Hot – and he refuses to read it.
I think it’s fine for everyone to have different boundaries regarding posting photos, telling kids’ names, etc., but I think it’s helpful for a blogger to know what his/her boundaries are. Might be a good exercise for all of us to list them out the way you have done.
>>>I don’t like reading other bloggers’ frequent criticisms of their spouses, and I imagine you do not either.
I so agree.
I don’t blog about my ex’s even though there’s good material there, I don’t reveal the SO by name or too much info about him, what he does for a living, etc. I have only blogged about my job once and really thought hard about that before I did. I think most figure I just stay at home and read blogs if you were to guess from my blog!
What a good question! Like Blackbird’s, my teenagers have requested that I curtail my chatter about them. It’s a good thing they don’t read my twitters or comments on other people’s blogs, because I do tend to let it all hang out. It’s just so easy to feel “at home” on-line, I am always shocked when I encounter someone ugly. I guess my boundaries are set more by the rhythm and style of my blog, but really, I’m a big mouth everywhere else on the web.
I don’t blog about sex because I think it’s pretty unladylike – I don’t know, I never read blogs that primarily focus on sex (or write about it pretty frequently, at least) because I think it’s something that’s between two people and should stay in the bedroom.
I don’t write about issues with K all that much, mostly because he’s a pretty freakin’ sweet guy and also because his little sister and her fiance read my blog (and I think his mom, on occasion).
I’m afraid of getting Dooced, hence the reason why I don’t blog about work all that often, and if I do, there are no names involved, and I keep information about my company vague.
I think I could stand to not disclose so many personal facts though, such as my whereabouts!
I learned the hard way to not talk about work because it will get your fired. So I don’t anymore, and definitely don’t mention the company’s name, the industry or anyone else by name.
I also try not to talk about family or friends in a bad way, even if they don’t read the blog. I also shy away from things I am feeling if I know it is going to upset someone who does read.
Other than that, I’m pretty open. My name is common and I live in a big city. I try to be as open as possible, mostly because I’m forgetful and wouldn’t remember nicknames that I made up fro myself or others.
I don’t have a lot of boundaries. Our last name us unique and anyone can find us. We live in a senior gated community, so if they’re weird, they can’t get in! After 30 years of having an unlisted phone #, because Bob was a police detective, our number is now listed, but no one weird has called, or written.
I try to always keep the blogs informative and positve, I don’t even post negative reviews on my book blog. I don’t talk about our sex life or money, because that’s our business.
We’re old so somethings I discuss health, that comes under informative.
My daughters, who are pushing at 40, read my blog so I try to not embarrass them.
It’s funny, I read a lot of blogs before starting my own, and I took cues from a lot of writers, including you. My boundaries are identical to yours–so I guess you influenced me more than I realized!