On the walk home from school yesterday, the girls and I were discussing why they don’t like to use the bathrooms at school and why they prefer instead to hold it all day and then rush to the bathroom in a body-jiggling frenzy as soon as they walk in the door.
For Elegant, it’s because she is germophobic (we all are to varying degrees in Jenworld) and doesn’t like the idea of sharing a toilet with so many other people. She is so my child.
For Graceful, the issue is that she’ll use the school bathroom, but she’s offended by the graffiti on the bathroom door. Not by what is written, but simply by the fact that someone would deface school property. She too is so my child.
According to Graceful, some people have written the A-word and the F-word. My brain froze in that moment, as my nine-year-old so very calmly referenced words that I had no idea she had heard of. But then again, I don’t actually know WHICH A-word and F-word she’s talking about. For all I know it could be different possibilities than the obvious choices floating through my mind.
After that first statement, Graceful added with great indignation, “And, someone also wrote ‘B— is gay.’ ”
I asked her if she understood what that meant.
Graceful sighed a world-weary sigh and said, “It has to do with the sexes, but it’s really complicated.”
Knowing how much misinformation gets spread amongst third graders, I asked Graceful if she’d like me to explain it to her. She agreed so I did, with Elegant listening intently.
When I was done — and my explanation was simple and along the lines of “gay men are men who want to date other men and not women; gay women want to date other women and not men” — Graceful said, “Well I’m not gay, that’s for sure.”
I explained that there’s nothing wrong with being gay and that it’s not something she can choose; she just is who she is.
Elegant blurted out, “Well I don’t know WHAT I am. I don’t want to marry boys or girls. I don’t want to get married at all.”
Well okay then.
I think hearing elegant would be a relief!
The graffiti should be cleaned, though. Daily. Hourly. It’s proven that if you leave a trace go, graffiti multiplies by the tens of thousands. Your school’s custodian staff should be all over that STAT, not waiting for summer vacation to repaint or whatever…
I agree with Melissa regarding the graffiti removal. I want to commend you on handling the ‘gay’-thing. Some of my good friends are gay, male and female. I know no one would chose to be ‘different’. I’m in my 60′s and not everyone in my generation, or older generations, were raised without prejudice; I was and I thank my Dad all the time. He was born in 1920 and had strong prejudices, but knew that was no way to be, and did his best to raise us without prejudice.
My thumbs are up.
I also had major issues with “going” at school – after I turned around one day and discovered a boy staring at me through a tiny hole in the wall. Cue major urine infections and a nasty bout of kidney reflux that involved a trip to the hospital. If you can nip this habit in the bud early I would recommend it…even at boarding school I would go and find a loo in the farthest corner of the school. Odd huh?
I love the calmness of explaining “Gay” – your kids are lucky to have a straight-up Mum.